Flashback (summer of 2007)

watching terrible tv
it kills all thoughts
Getting spacier than
An astronaut
developing crush for people
I hardly know or like
I can't believe what i do
Late at night

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

Only when we get to see
The aerial view
Will the patterns show
We'll know what to do
I know the last page so well
I can't read the first
So i just don't start
It's getting worse

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night...

source : Inside of love - Nada surf

3 days of perplexity (day2 -part 2)

i came home ,..and ya ofcourse shed some tears and got emotional and stuff...
had a peaceful nap...a free nap...an independent nap
got up and had bath, had tea..\
opened my laptop and read that email again and again,...mail from that beauty, that innocuous beauty
zoyathemystery@gmail.com

i replied to that mail

"ok so to attend those buddhist camps u said i should be free soul, free from all my commitments right..??
phase one is complete...
here am i...free from my commitment towards sadhana...
now what remains is commitment to college/studies..and commitment to parents/family...
I promise i will be free from both soon..
so plzz plzzz think again about your decision to not to carry your cancer drugs with u during the camp span...plzz carry them...
you will survive...we will survive...if we live, we will live together...and if we die we will die together...and no worries as u say we will be right up there amongst those shining stars...:).."

i sent this email, closed my laptop and cried like never before

3 days of perplexity (day2 -part 1)

Same old restaurant same old table ya ya...everything was just same....though i felt bit hollowness in the trivial part of my heart...i took a glance at the surroundings...nothing has changed and nothing will change...i thought
But then my heart started betraying me...i could see her memories everywhere
I told my heart to control itself but as often it would go on to listening its own echo, and i should say probably giving more pain than snake bytes
I needed some painkillers or anaesthesia..but i knew those wouldn’t have any effect on this undefined pain, a pain called love
Love is the only feelings that leaves equal tears and joys...though u will comparatively say happiness, but those tears of joys are completely different...the tears of love are internal...just like internal bleeding, just like a hairline fracture...the effects are prolonged
And as the bliss in love is unexplainable, so is the suffering.. its an unexplainable vicious circle, which is also unpredictable, god this love sucks.......
And i also couldn’t help myself in falling in love,
since no one purposely falls into this pit called love, its a trap
..we unknowingly fall into this pit...a pit having depth of ocean and way out is as high as sky, in other words almost impossible

I was battling between thoughts of my heart and brain just when i saw her glimpse, and i could make out from her facial expressions that she was sad...no flying kiss, no thousand dollar smile, absolutely nothing from her part
She was just sitting there in front of me, we both looking at each other
“are we doing it right na, you accept this rite?? She asked
And i thought this was the time to give my heart a shutdown command, i had to say something, something for her good, she was having problems, and no denial from my part as well
“I think its a right decision, lets try ut, c’mon 3 years , not a long time”...i replied..(whom am i kidding, its almost 300 light years)
“I think we will work it out, and of course 15,000 Vodafone sms scheme and yahoo messenger with video calling is there na”
I tried to get some smile on the otherwise ever smiling face which unsurprisingly today was very pale and dull
Few hugs and kisses followed later, which expectedly were so good yet so dreary
But it was going in the right direction (at list i thought so)

”just want to hold u and say nothing, just want to feel your heartbeat for me,...for the last time”
God ,She was romantic...i liked her for that...those romantic lines had always been my weak points...but today it was different...that last statement “for the last time” ruined every possible excitement in my heart
I wanted to say how you will be able to hear my heart beat since we have already killed my heart “mutually”
But i held my nerves and said
“i can hold u forever and my heartbeat will always say those three words
“i love sadhana, i love sadhana, i love sadhana..........”
" ohh gaurav.." she said and kissed me...the final kiss, ...and that was it ...she left, and i was stranded there trying to catch hold of her shadow which was never mine...

So finally it all had ended..on a good note rather...or that is how i was going to portray it to everyone ..”mutually”
Just 12 days before we were about to celebrate our 3 years relationship...it had ended...
India was about to celebrate its 63 years of independence, well i had got my independence 12 days before...and i was in certainly not in a celebration mood

3 days of perplexity (day 1- part 2)

More 15 minutes gone and we were sitting on that same old bench below that same old banyan tree facing that same old lake..
She towards the right side of the bench, and me towards the left...Why?..well because towards the left there was a garbage bin at the side of the bench and ms perfect as she was. She wanted everything regarding her to be perfect
“gaurav”...she sighed, her voice sounded bit serious
“hmm”...i couldn’t say more, my brain had faced blackout
Witty gaurav couldn’t site a single sentence or even a word to say on his brains “blackboard”
It was all so black, it was in darkness and i dint have any matchstick/lighter to lit up, i was a non- smoker and so was my brain...we couldn’t find any way out of this darkness with a matchstick and couldn’t make it more worse with some smoke...in one word my brain was getting demented and needless to say, so was i
After a brief pause she finally spoke
“this is not how things were planned by us, we never expected to reach such a stage , i mean ya...the fights and all are common in any relationships but this everything is getting too much, and more importantly ya.. “its affecting our careers””
She continued
“what about our promises to set our careers on our own...do you think we even stand a little chance of getting placed??
What about our promises to never get involved into family import-export business”??
Gaurav, seriously where do you see yourself in next 3 years??”
She went on...”i have asked the same question to myself and i see myself screwed with poor academics and baffled love life both at the same time ,
We have been together right from the college life, though we have been distantly separated and far apart, we have always made it a point to be in touch over phone, yahoo and apparently have gone through extravengas to meet whenever possible, but since my mom-dad have found out about us, i have found myself restricted and questioned throughout, i have found lying very difficult...”

I was listening to all this with my ears and brain back into senses...i had turned off my heart for the very fact that i knew if it starts overpowering my brain than it could be all different story all together., and i dint want to lose any chance to make her feel better
I can say foolishly yet unerringly that my ears were wide open and her every words and sentences going through my ears like arrows and piercing my heart, which of course was lifeless
And it was unbelievable that still it was hurting, but it was ok since most part of that hurt was due to self realisation and not self obsession....that was the good thing

“sadhana...i think we shuould take a break from all this, not a break up, but a break till we set our careers”...i said it so spontaneously that i myself dint realise at that very moment
But soon i felt it right, i had to say this, or rather i wanted to but still a little part of my single cell heart said “ i hate to say this”
I couldn’t c her misery, at one point even mine...
“i guess we should” she replied with a trembling voice

I tried to kiss away her tears unknowingly and alas!...she was actually crying..
Though it was no surprise for me, because whenever she was crying in pune , i used to get disturbed in goa...dont consider it hypothetic its true story!
Such was our connection...

We decided to meet next day for proper discussion...

I came home n dozed off, got up when my mom called for dinner, checked my cell
“hey hws ur fever now???” text from sunita (another ms sarcasm queen i guess)
I replied her in rather satirical way , god knows if she hated me for that, but i never gave up texting her that way
I told her sadhana was in goa, and i had to meet her for some “serious discussion”
Again the future story was untold to her as with rowen and Vicky
But again i myself feel very awkward to share problems by removing topics all by myself because its a reality that everyone has his own share of problem, and theirs must have been more worse than mine, and i cannot deny the very possibility that they feel the same...owing to this we friends never discussed anything about our problems in details...
But eventually i ended up voluntarily( ya rather for my own self-satisfaction) disclosing ‘almost’ all the facts about me...that was later..

but As of now day 1 had ended on a confusing note, every stone carrying my future remained unperturbed , with me still baffled about everything...and of course without any clue as to what my destiny holds in stake for me the following day...
I decided to let go with thoughts , since today there had been so many and since my heart was turned off for the most part ,my brain had to take the full load of those cracked thoughts....i decided to give my brain some rest...

3 days of perplexity (day 1 - part 1)

“hey m nt coming 2 colg today...gtg sumwer...vl tell u later”.. i texted rowen and Vicky
Ofcuz they would be in a state of dilemma as usual, as to where i go and what work i get which i tell them “i will explain everything in details” and never bother to explain them
but i was helpless...whether its bout sadhana or the call tracing and spokentwitter project, nothing was going fine...but i wasn’t loosing “interest” in either..
and te former matter was getting too complicated because of the entry of that mysterious beauty and deteriorating family relations

i reached half an hour late..she was waiting at our same old lakeside restaurant, same table (the one facing towards the lake obviously) same chair(because from there she could get a better view of that spot where ducks were often seen)
and i, well i had to sit in the opposite direction (ofcourse i wudnt mind...because who wants to see the “beauty” of lake when beautiful girl is in the opposite direction, and clearly her beauty was exemplary compared to that smudged lake and hideous ducklings)

i looked at her...calm and composed, looking at the clam water in that lake...but infact it was opposite...even the sea water is more calm as compared to her nature...or did she changed...i was meeting her after almost two months...and these days people change so fast that this possibility
cannot be discarded..

she saw me and sent a flying kiss towards me...hell no! She would never change..even the whole world changes she would remain the same...the same careless- free bird..

“haircut ha, yuk...i dnt like it...trimmed it so short ya..” she screamed at me..
“mom told me to cut it very short ya...and long hairs were looking messy it seems”..i replied
“i don’t understand what problem moms have about their sons sporting long hairs” she
“the same kind of problem what dads have about their daughters wearing mini skirt” i said
“c’mon ma dad is very cool, very free and supportive na”...innocent statement
“yaa i know ....”very good” ... sarcastic statement , dragged last two words to give extra sarcasm...god y i did that..she would surely get it..after all she is ms. Sarcasm queen..
And as expected she got my sarcasm rite
“y u always talk about my dad that way, that dubai tender spat is shyam uncles fault, not ma dads...and im adamant about it” she said angrily...
“c’mon i hav every rite to hate my gf’s dad...its normal”..I tried to neutralise though i knew storm had already began...
“no its abnormal, and i don’t want it to be this way, m not like u ..i care about my mom-dad a lot“..she replied
“hey hey...wait a sec...what u mean by m not like u”...by that tym i had lost it
This discussion (along with some other arguable topics) went on for around half an hour, meantime we (or rather i would say she) ordered and ate also about which i seriously cant remember a thing..
And as you all might have noticed the normal “hi baby”, “hey sweetheart” and other such “couply” words were long lost, and were replaced by abnormal “hey” and “hi”...
Its like those lovely words had already broken up and moved on with their life and now they were replaced by single words like “liar” “careless”
That was the sign how it was all deteriorating along with time....

Stuck on u

i checked ma watch again...3.30 pm...m waiting for past one and half hour...and still no sign of her...i had tried calling her n also texted her but her cell was unreachable...damn...i was so sick of her "excuses" ...and now i vl have to listen to some more of them...i decided in ma mind...that this is too much now...i have every right to get angry on her...i have every right to shout at her...enuf is enuf..i vl do it today...i was building up ma so called “courage” but i was disturbed..
“sir we are closing d kitchen now” waiter said
“ohh...just wait for 5 more minz...i vl order “.. i replied in somewhat mortifying tone..
He just gave me another of those disgruntled look..probably he was expecting something different from me...
I remember how he had wishd me and guided me towards the table i had reserved with that happydent smile...now it was as if every1 was looking towards me as if i had commited a big crime...
(n another big agony that i cant order even...cuz madam always has her own choices and that too her choices differ everytym...and to be frank everytym she is d 1 who orders...so i wudnt dare to break that so called “tradition”..)

C’mon...wat can i do if ma gal promises me to arrive half n hour before our fixed tym...n yet havnt arrived 1 and half___________ *ma thots were broken midway thru as i saw some1 entering thru d restaurant door*

There she is...i said in ma mind (anger still in ma eyes)...ohh hold on...was she wearing that yellow chudidaar..yes she was wearing that same yellow churidaar which i had gifted her on her bday...n those necklace and earings...and ofcuz those matching bangles,..m sure she must have returned from some party/function...she caught ma glance and i responded by waving ma hand... she responded with a flying kiss

God..i have to admit 25% stake in that so called anger on her instantly vanished as a result of her “bold and beautiful” look/entry

She came and sat, i was still in the mist of that remaing 75% anger on her...
“so...hw u sweety..?? she asked in her sweet voice..she was unperturbed as if everything was going perfect
“where the hell were u???.. U are 1 hour 40 minz late” i bursted ...simultaneously pointing towards my watch (as to add some extra effect to ma statement)
She kept quiet for a while and then replied with that sweet convincing tone of her
“listen i was busy baby...u know today our CR elections were held and jyotika won...so she threw a party..and u know na ma presence was “inevitable”..”
“inevitable ha...nice...and wat bout ur presence with me...and wt bout ur phone..???”
“ok ok ...i said sorry na...and my phone is weird”
“wt???...ur phone is weird..???....c’mon thats d kinda answer u give...no this isn’t fair...i want proper xplaination..” ...yes i was going rite...i was bout to succeed in ma mission but then something weird hapend..

She said ok she vl xplain but slowly in ma ears....i tilted ma head and went closer...and she did the most unexpected thing....she came closer turned ma head back straight...and planted a kiss on ma lips....i cant literally write how it felt and stuff...cuz that tym ma brain died cuz of heart attack

But my heart described it later...and these are those words straight from my heart

“I am convinced that right now if you zoomed into my eyes,
behind the darkness of my lids you would see fireworks that matched
the popping in my ears and vivid flowing of my blood.
Right now I am pretty sure I have no lungs
The most perfect kiss of my life.
I never want it to end, but you know I need my lungs back”

We were both quite even though 5 minutes had passed since then...she must have felt little awkward later cuz this was very straightforward from her part...i thought of talking something productive
“so ma’am kitchen is closed now, aren’t u hungry”....i said looking straight into her enticing eyesight...god damn it...wt m i saying...n y d hell u giving me that look ...i took ma eyesight back on menu again
“come..” she said holding ma hand...
“i have seen bhelpuri stall outside...lets eat there..”


She was eating every pani puri with such a pleasure...
I had finished my bhelpuri and was thinking...ofcuz bout that “incident” 15 minutes ago
She was saying something and i was lost in my own thoughts...thoughts about how lucky i was to have some1 like her in my life...
“gautam listen...u know what unlike goans. I don’t like eating in those ravish big restaurants,showing off fashion, night life, partying all the tym,living a hi-fi life...m a simple mumbaikar...and i like life to be simple...and ofcuz i love simple people ....may be thats the reason why i love you..”
She said and winked at me
“hmm...that xplains my reason to be quite at the restaurant”...i said
And we both laughed (my 75% anger had dissapeard long back)

She was stuck by that simple truth...that most of the ordinary things can be made extra ordinary..if u have rite people with u...
And i...well i was stuck by d same bt in “vice versa” manner...

power to captivate

*sound of vibration*..

I got up frm ma semi trans state n checked ma cell...damn...another forward from ankit...i so hate him...

Its been 3 days...n i was cursing myself for being so rude on her...when u really miss ur special sum1 u always end up cursing urself for the thngs which u dint do...thts d power of love....n realisation...

But ya wateva it was...i had sent her around 50 msgs on “sorry” theme in ths 2 days...n had tried to call her so many times...but...no response...i was so frustrated at myself...every bit of that so cald “anger” on her was gone...n i so wanted her to reply me....or meet me ths coming Saturday....i dnt know y but ths was d height...i hadn’t missed her so much before...though there had been few fights..but this was longer one....n ya...it was my mistake ( i dint understand what made me reciprocate ths statement in front of her tht day)..

I skipped ma lunch...had no interest in going out wid friends for ne movie....i just wanted her to call me, msg me, or atlist gimme a miscal ...

I slept again...

But soon i got up...tht part where i skipd luch was taking a toll on me...just had some snacks ...n checkd ma cell again...2 more forwad msgs frm ankit,

I threw ma cell on bed...n switchd on tv...just to divert ma attention....

N after few minutes ma cell again again vibrated...ths tym i went n that was it...tht moment iv l never frgt ever...it was her msg n it was so romantically written...

“baby....ofcuz i missd u...

Ok nt in ‘im sorry’ way..

Nt even in “i forgive u” way..

I just misd u in “i missed u” way...:|..”

She was so adorable...so sweet...this is how she is...naughty but cute n lovely...no more words to describe her...i had always wanted such person in ma life n i had found her and why even m trying to trammel wid that reality????

ma heart almost melted after reading that msg...i soon called her n we spoke for around 5 hourz before her battery died..

So like this no matter how many fights we had in our tainted relationship...ths fights ended on a sweet note..ofcuz it was me who always used to say sorry even if she was on d wrong side most of the tym...but wateva it was i was 5n with it....cuz she had that control...that power over me...tht magnetising power which i used to call...she could turn my moods as and when she wanted...magician of ma heart

But soon it was all about to change...those magnetic powers were bout to get destroyed by sum external electric field...her presence in ma life was just too strong...d presence of that charming beauty

another

Hey…wt ya looking and y ya stoned…?(mischievous)

M not stoned…LOST is d right word…m just lost in ur amazing beauty…internal external both…

M totally lost in it…damn ur so beautiful…

Ohh m i?? ..just elaborate ma beauty…(again mischievious….challenging me ha…I like ths challenges of urz..)

Hmmm…ok…ur beautiful to such an extent tht if I play hide n seek in it…u vl neva be able to find me…its so vast tht it vl take me 100 years to travel through ur beauty….ur beauty can accumulate indias no chinas whole population…

Aargh…u n ur idiotic idioms…stop it….

Ya..just kidding baby…c thr r certain good thngs wich u just cant elaborate d reason as to why they r so good…they just happen to be perffect…n ur beauty is such an amazing thng …wich I just cant put in words…

I can only feel it ….(I tried to kiss her but she resisted…

“oye…unlce and aunty are down…wt if some1 suddenly comes upstairs…

“ohh c’mon…we r in balcony n door is closed” …

“still…u knw wt…m bit scared ya…aunty / uncle luks at me wid tht kinda suspicious face ,…I gt scared”

“haha…don’t be…atlist wid ma parents…just don’t be…I fool em every minute..”

Suddenly she got serious…

“gautam…this nature of urz I dnt like…serisly…its sumtimes difficult to trust u…”

“baby…ur saying tht…c’mon u knw I trust u to so much extent tht I tell u each n evry small small thngs…i dnt knw y u do ths to me all d tym…u always take me wrong…”

“k…well I knw I overreacted but serisly…u gota be frank wid uncle n aunty too…”

“Okay 5n….tht means u want me to tell em bout us rite now…”

“this isnt the point…dunno wen u vl undestand me”

“what ….undestand u…all wt I did in ths 3 years is just try to undestand u …n still….

And then erupted the longest fight…yup..yet another longest fight…as usual…our meet after 3 months ended on a bad note…which again wasn’t a tottaly new thng in our cracked relationship of over 2 and half year....

an extract

“yes I am…I am selfish….i want my life to be perfect…I want everythng in ma life to be perfect…I have always been like this…a selfish brat…bt 1 thng u don’t undestand…UR ma LIFE…”

Yes I mean it…ur ma life…my everythng..baby …u just don’t get it…y I do all this..??
Y I get into this family matter…its not as if im interested in all this…I do this only for u…yes I accept it all affects ma studies…but my life is more important for me…n baby ur ma life”

“if we don’t get it all right then we might loose on many things…how the hell u gotta get chance to visit goa often…how will I ever get chance to meet ya in pune”

“Baby we got to solve this family matters…our families been together for many years now…together they hav been involved in so many circumstance including problems and joyous moments as well..
But now this situation is worsening…its not only because of that dubai tender and spate between shyam uncle and ur dad..the situation is worsening day by day and its not gud for our future..”

“Future??? “

After a brief pause with a bit of shock …I enquired..”baby dnt u c future in our relationship??”
“ yes totally…I mean ya we have,…but as of now thts not a problem…trust me…plzz…u look into ur studies n stuff first….this is all never gona work out…just don’t knw wt to say….

“but listen…we gotta try to do something atlist”

“ not at ur career risk”
“but..”

“ c u cant design life like a building…u have to live it…n it vl design itself”

I heard enuf

i shouted angrily “now dnt copy tht dialogue of ur architectural frnd jyotika”

“this isnt a joke…we gotta live thru this…n v gota find a way out of this…we just cant go on taking life as it comes….atlist I cant…m nt a coward”

“wt??? …u mean m a coward….u….”

I shut d door behind n left…tht was ma everydays strategy to tackle any argument wid her…
Cowardly rite…indeed I was this totally confused guy all together…

But it was all bound to change with tym…n I was made to change my opinion bout d life theory…
Not entirely…but ya certainly to such extent as to make me n ma life feel good…

She changed everythng within no tym…tht innocuous beauty…:)

(journey through my past)

craving for the journey through past

I have had enough already
I had made up my mind that very instant
I should solve this matter quickly..
So I thought the best way is -to ask for help .. Consult someone...
And the best way to solve a problem is from the beginning.
I would go back in my past and try joining all the paradoxical events that had taken place in my life...there were quite a few which had occurred already (and I had no idea how many more were to come)

Im guessing you have got the feeling that im talking about consulting a doctor or a psychiatrist even…..just imagine…hell no! That would be perhaps my last option!.
I decided to consult someone way better…(.and guess wat that too for free!;))

The only person who had stood besides me throughout my life,
Given me the best possible advice how to tackle all my problems
..Yes …she was the one,my pillar of sensibility, my cousin - my Mamata Didi..
She is the only one who could give me the best unbiased advice . And I had no doubt about it that this time to she would be there for me


Well that’s it on my Di’s matter for now
More on her and on her role in my tainted life later.


And by the way im sure all of you must be wondering what sort of a character is this.
Telling about his entire life without introducing himself even.
But bear no grudges ….I will let you’ll know who I am and what I’m talking about very soon…this is after all my story…about my life!


So there i was all set onto an expedition to save my already mudduled up life ..
.A journey through my past...that was the begining...to solve
the MYSTERY OF THAT INSIPID BEAUTY

Incessant dreams

"gautam, no...you cant do this to me, wt about that promise to be together forever..??" she cried..
"hey buddy..you are not doing this right, come back at once" russel screamed
"i want to, i am trying but i just cant"...i wanted to tell them but i cudnt...my voice was just too low..
it was as if im driven by some divine forces towards that dark path,towards that radiant ray..
i was helpless...i was inching closer towards that ray...and it was geting bigger n bigger...
these dream sessions continued for days to come...and it was indeed needless to say i was getting restless day by day...ofcuz i was very much disturbed...i had been never so much disturbed in my life before...my cool and calm composure was no more...i was behaving differently with everyone...

as days went on that ray in the midst of darkness started becoming more clear and visible..and i got a shock of ma lifetime..(ya it was to so much extent that i even fell off ma bed.."in reality"..)

it was a girl....her face was not clearly visible...she was rearing a white dress...she was like fairy, with that white dress of her...she was shining like a star...her face was lit like a moon...and after few days her face started becoming clearly visible...she was stupendous beauty...i have no words to describe that innocuous beauty...straight silky hairs...lips pink n glossy..light brown eyes...she had the most amazing features...she was a complete package...

ohh wait a second...i think i know her...no may be i dont...i was confused...i was perceiving her features in ma dreams and even in reality ..(ya it doesnt matter neways cuz m always in dreamy state)
the shining beauty...there she was in front of me..and i was getting a feeling that i knew her...i have met her.. i know her very well...or may be i dont..
damn i was so confused in my already confused mind...i tried hard...i stressed my brain to limit..but it was all of no use...
and after few days i gave up...not the dream, that dream continued...but i gave up thinking about her in reality...
but.... that urge still persists

back to reality

I woke up....it was my damn alarm ringing!!...

"teri marzi" song by kailash kher...
As usual I snoozed it...and lay back down again....
took my cell,went to playlist...n played that song again....

""Aye Khuda Teri Marzi Ke Aage Kya Hoga Kya Pata
Tu Jo Chaahe Waisa Sama Ho, Teri Raza
Tu Jo Chaahe Tapati Dhup Mein, Aye Khuda
Khilata Huwa Gulista Hoga
Tune Banaayi Raahein, Tune Banaayi Manjil
Hum Le Chalein Hai Apana Kaarwaan, Aye Khuda
Teri Marzi Ke Aage Kya Hoga, Aye Khuda""

” How true indeed”...I said to myself..

2 minutes later...I dozed off .

I could hear something vibrating,. I was taken aback..."no not that dream again"
I said
And ya Luck/destiny heard me this time (which doesn’t happen quite often I must tell you)...
it was my cell vibrating...
half asleep I picked up...

"Where the hell was your cell dude, lys and me have been calling u for past half n hour", it was Greville

"uhh..ya sorry dude, I was just.. ..uh .I mean I am sleeping" I replied still trying to fight for my senses
"WHAT!!?? Its 11.30 man...anyways just called to ask if ur coming with us for CS(counter-strike for all u people who might think its ‘computer science’ or something))....porvorim...we are leaving now...will be back by evening"

"Now??? hey dont you people have pracs tomorrow..??? "
This must have sounded funny coming from me because I’m like the least worried creature bout these exams n stuff

"Screw that man, just come, we will come back soon, Judah,Elroy n others will be there" he said
i contemplated for a while before replying
"Ohh so u got the team na...sorry ya, I will be going to Jitesh's place now, most probably...we will be discussing OOPS there"

Another plain white lie....I had no idea I was getting so damn good at lying..those 2 words "Most Probably" gave me enough security to say things without having to bother about consequences.

Don't get me wrong…I dont mind lying ...But I have never understood why people make a big deal about lying and being lied too!!
C'mon it doesn’t even figure in the 7 deadliest sins list....

H hung up saying "ok byee cya tc"

The phone call over and I was left to my thought again..(still lying in my bed)...but then suddenly I got up again..All of a sudden I felt choked...I couldnt breath...Damn this cold...
My cold was the most unpredictable thing in this universe...of course given the fact that it was a rainy season...and of course it had been pouring…...but I had not got wet as of now...
Oh damn...Now I’m gonna have to face Mom’s “slanderous” comments again!!
Yes that was the right word...I was tired of her taunts...

She would say:-
"You must have got wet yesterday, you must have had an ice-cream, you finished fanta from fridge, Don't listen to me and then go sneezing all over the place.. etc etc etc.."

None of the above accusations were true ofcourse…But moms are moms!!..:P.....

I got up n started searching for my allergy tablets...I found painkillers, sleeping pills, vitamin tablet,(sounds like I had the whole pharmacy in my room!) but where the hell was that cold tablet...
Never have I found things when I want them.....I so hate this life..lost in my thoughts again I came back to my room n dozed off once again...geting lost in my own little world of supernatural thoughts again.......

THE MYSTERY OF THAT INSIPID BEAUTY episode 1 (my story)

where the hell was i going...?? dwindling eyesight n i cud make out that it was nothing more than a black road...i would rather say a black sky...or in other words everythng was black...but where i was going and why i was going there....???
no doubt i have the bestest girl in ma life..and the bestesst friends in my life...inspite of all these i had left them behind...
"gautam......plzzz come back...plzzz.." , she was screaming...
"where the fuck u going dude...leaving all of us here, come back u moron", it was vasant

but i dont know why, i was out of my senses...i tried concentrating more on the discernability,
and alas!!
i could see something...i could make out where i was heading....it was a ray
a ray of hope....

and there i was walking...inching towards the so called ray of hope...suddenly i stopped..
i heard something....a sweet tune ....it was indeed a flute...n d voice was increasing at pace...ahhh!!!
it struck ma ears so loud....it went on increasing....n finally ma eyes opened...

Serendipity

ya..finally i hav joind blog...."sum" ppl just knw it perfect - "how to convince ppl"
and d name serendipity suits it all d best..
lol ofcuz its been voted one of the ten words that wer hardest to translate...:P
it basically means A propensity for making fortuitous discoveries while looking for something unrelated...

cuz even if i hav joind here...i just dnt hav ne polished articles or poems to share...
just ths random thots in ma mind wich i vl be sharing as of now..

n ya dnt trust ma grammer n phrases...m week in it...lol bt ma ideas n wateva thngs m gonna share wont bore u...tht atlist i can promise ...:)


n as d word serendipity says it all m always gona try n discover more n more thngs n vl go on improving in wateva way i could...:)