3 days of perplexity (day2 -part 1)

Same old restaurant same old table ya ya...everything was just same....though i felt bit hollowness in the trivial part of my heart...i took a glance at the surroundings...nothing has changed and nothing will change...i thought
But then my heart started betraying me...i could see her memories everywhere
I told my heart to control itself but as often it would go on to listening its own echo, and i should say probably giving more pain than snake bytes
I needed some painkillers or anaesthesia..but i knew those wouldn’t have any effect on this undefined pain, a pain called love
Love is the only feelings that leaves equal tears and joys...though u will comparatively say happiness, but those tears of joys are completely different...the tears of love are internal...just like internal bleeding, just like a hairline fracture...the effects are prolonged
And as the bliss in love is unexplainable, so is the suffering.. its an unexplainable vicious circle, which is also unpredictable, god this love sucks.......
And i also couldn’t help myself in falling in love,
since no one purposely falls into this pit called love, its a trap
..we unknowingly fall into this pit...a pit having depth of ocean and way out is as high as sky, in other words almost impossible

I was battling between thoughts of my heart and brain just when i saw her glimpse, and i could make out from her facial expressions that she was sad...no flying kiss, no thousand dollar smile, absolutely nothing from her part
She was just sitting there in front of me, we both looking at each other
“are we doing it right na, you accept this rite?? She asked
And i thought this was the time to give my heart a shutdown command, i had to say something, something for her good, she was having problems, and no denial from my part as well
“I think its a right decision, lets try ut, c’mon 3 years , not a long time”...i replied..(whom am i kidding, its almost 300 light years)
“I think we will work it out, and of course 15,000 Vodafone sms scheme and yahoo messenger with video calling is there na”
I tried to get some smile on the otherwise ever smiling face which unsurprisingly today was very pale and dull
Few hugs and kisses followed later, which expectedly were so good yet so dreary
But it was going in the right direction (at list i thought so)

”just want to hold u and say nothing, just want to feel your heartbeat for me,...for the last time”
God ,She was romantic...i liked her for that...those romantic lines had always been my weak points...but today it was different...that last statement “for the last time” ruined every possible excitement in my heart
I wanted to say how you will be able to hear my heart beat since we have already killed my heart “mutually”
But i held my nerves and said
“i can hold u forever and my heartbeat will always say those three words
“i love sadhana, i love sadhana, i love sadhana..........”
" ohh gaurav.." she said and kissed me...the final kiss, ...and that was it ...she left, and i was stranded there trying to catch hold of her shadow which was never mine...

So finally it all had ended..on a good note rather...or that is how i was going to portray it to everyone ..”mutually”
Just 12 days before we were about to celebrate our 3 years relationship...it had ended...
India was about to celebrate its 63 years of independence, well i had got my independence 12 days before...and i was in certainly not in a celebration mood