3 days of perplexity (day 1- part 2)

More 15 minutes gone and we were sitting on that same old bench below that same old banyan tree facing that same old lake..
She towards the right side of the bench, and me towards the left...Why?..well because towards the left there was a garbage bin at the side of the bench and ms perfect as she was. She wanted everything regarding her to be perfect
“gaurav”...she sighed, her voice sounded bit serious
“hmm”...i couldn’t say more, my brain had faced blackout
Witty gaurav couldn’t site a single sentence or even a word to say on his brains “blackboard”
It was all so black, it was in darkness and i dint have any matchstick/lighter to lit up, i was a non- smoker and so was my brain...we couldn’t find any way out of this darkness with a matchstick and couldn’t make it more worse with some smoke...in one word my brain was getting demented and needless to say, so was i
After a brief pause she finally spoke
“this is not how things were planned by us, we never expected to reach such a stage , i mean ya...the fights and all are common in any relationships but this everything is getting too much, and more importantly ya.. “its affecting our careers””
She continued
“what about our promises to set our careers on our own...do you think we even stand a little chance of getting placed??
What about our promises to never get involved into family import-export business”??
Gaurav, seriously where do you see yourself in next 3 years??”
She went on...”i have asked the same question to myself and i see myself screwed with poor academics and baffled love life both at the same time ,
We have been together right from the college life, though we have been distantly separated and far apart, we have always made it a point to be in touch over phone, yahoo and apparently have gone through extravengas to meet whenever possible, but since my mom-dad have found out about us, i have found myself restricted and questioned throughout, i have found lying very difficult...”

I was listening to all this with my ears and brain back into senses...i had turned off my heart for the very fact that i knew if it starts overpowering my brain than it could be all different story all together., and i dint want to lose any chance to make her feel better
I can say foolishly yet unerringly that my ears were wide open and her every words and sentences going through my ears like arrows and piercing my heart, which of course was lifeless
And it was unbelievable that still it was hurting, but it was ok since most part of that hurt was due to self realisation and not self obsession....that was the good thing

“sadhana...i think we shuould take a break from all this, not a break up, but a break till we set our careers”...i said it so spontaneously that i myself dint realise at that very moment
But soon i felt it right, i had to say this, or rather i wanted to but still a little part of my single cell heart said “ i hate to say this”
I couldn’t c her misery, at one point even mine...
“i guess we should” she replied with a trembling voice

I tried to kiss away her tears unknowingly and alas!...she was actually crying..
Though it was no surprise for me, because whenever she was crying in pune , i used to get disturbed in goa...dont consider it hypothetic its true story!
Such was our connection...

We decided to meet next day for proper discussion...

I came home n dozed off, got up when my mom called for dinner, checked my cell
“hey hws ur fever now???” text from sunita (another ms sarcasm queen i guess)
I replied her in rather satirical way , god knows if she hated me for that, but i never gave up texting her that way
I told her sadhana was in goa, and i had to meet her for some “serious discussion”
Again the future story was untold to her as with rowen and Vicky
But again i myself feel very awkward to share problems by removing topics all by myself because its a reality that everyone has his own share of problem, and theirs must have been more worse than mine, and i cannot deny the very possibility that they feel the same...owing to this we friends never discussed anything about our problems in details...
But eventually i ended up voluntarily( ya rather for my own self-satisfaction) disclosing ‘almost’ all the facts about me...that was later..

but As of now day 1 had ended on a confusing note, every stone carrying my future remained unperturbed , with me still baffled about everything...and of course without any clue as to what my destiny holds in stake for me the following day...
I decided to let go with thoughts , since today there had been so many and since my heart was turned off for the most part ,my brain had to take the full load of those cracked thoughts....i decided to give my brain some rest...