Alles Gute ! :)

Roses are red, violets are blue.

I made a promise to write something for you

And I don’t know what to do…

You expected something like this right?  But You don’t know me, I may be Ted Mosby, but there is hidden Barney stinson in me.    Gosh!  Everything that I write is rhyming. 

Anyway . Challenge *wait for it* Accepted. And challenge *wait for it* Fulfilled (Or so I hope).

You realize that this is probably my most conscience blog post writing ever. 

I had never written anything for a writer previously. So shall I go ahead and say how privileged I feel writing something for a writer or will that be too cheesy..:P

Feeling nervous, precipitating, checking out grammar again and again and still have that feeling, somehow; I will make mistake and screw up this post, yet, here I am doing what I like to do even though I suck at it. 

You are leaving Quick heal, today is your last day and I don’t know what to say. Words; sadly, words are all that I have; jumbled up to form sentences, jumbled up to form paragraph, further jumbled up to form a lame blog post. 

Okay, too much of wandering around in this post already, getting to the point, yes, I found things that I will miss about you *yay* , it wasn’t that difficult to be honest. 

It’s been roughly around a year that we know each other. I remember a bubbly cheerful pretty face sitting across the table in our first wifi meeting, speaking so fluently, speaking so confidently. I knew than and I know now, you are the most hardworking and talented individual I have met, you had your concepts clear , you had done your back ground check, I felt so naive when my wifi security related questions were promptly answered. 

So, the days passed and I got hold of your book, after reading it over the weekend, 

I remember coming to your desk and speaking my heart out about how much I liked your book, the whole concept and idea of it, and the boldness to write a different book in the Indian literature filled with campus novels. You know how difficult it was for a shy pot like me to approach your desk and speak my mind out, Its one of the most courageous thing I have done in my life I must say :D  

During that conversation something struck my mind and it has been a major point why I respect you so much. You honestly told me that not even 50 copies of books have been sold; something which saddened me, but I respect your humbleness and humility. It takes great courage to be a writer, it takes even greater courage to accept the market these days. Even though it’s a brilliant book, honestly, the publishers failed to promote it. 

I am not saying it just to hype this blog post out, I am saying it right from my heart, you are by far the most honest, humble girl I have come across, above incident is just a small example, overall I have noticed so much of this trait while interacting with you, it’s one of your core trait that makes you special and reliable in the eyes of your friends. 

So, before listing out the things I will miss about you, let me clear out one obvious thing just for the sake of it.

No tears were shed while writing this post, absolutely not; that’s your department anyway.

10 things I will miss about you

1) Beat the 9.30 heat

Oh how much I loved beating you finally.  After 3 months of persistence and diligence and sheer hard work and focus, one fine day , I finally managed to reach office before you, and my god!, what a feeling that was.  Lol. Seriously, I have said it before and I will say it again, you are such a work aholic, reaching office at 9.30 and leaving office after 7, continuously focused on work, facing monitor most of the time with that serious face of yours. It will all be missed and surely felt. For me , well, you gave me one reason to reach office early one fine day, so thanks :P

2) Cheerful presence

The happy go lucky, smiley face passing by my desk, always greeting me and vikram and interrupting our talks with suspicious eyes whenever we were upto some pranks or gossips, it will be missed idiot. It was nice having you spread smiles around and do what we call “timepass”, which we all do often in office anyway.

3) Compliments about my shirts

Oh ya, this particular thing will be badly missed. Every guy loves compliments; whoever says no to it is a big egoistic piece of shit. Needless to say I loved them all. But I got to mention here, most of the compliments which my shirts got were never my choices. You should learn to like faded, black and dull colors too, flashy colors are not always good. :P

4) Our pantry talks

               You spotted me when I was high, you spotted me when I was bored. Our lengthy evening   conversations in pantry at times were really “gossipy”. But it was worth it, we used to talk a lot, mostly it was me who did most of talking, once in a blue moon weird talks of mine those were. Anyway, the times when I acted rude and the times when I unknowingly didn’t respect the conversation was bad from my part. I am really sorry about that, and I am glad you spoke your mind out and made me understand all that, it brought a little conscience to me, in my otherwise disturbed life. Sorry and Thank you J I am going to miss such honest gossiping .

5) Club LPK

Okay, now that the topic of “Sorry” has arrived I genuinely want to say sorry for guiding (yes, literally) you to LPK when you visited Goa. I was not updated about the recent happenings. Next time do visit Nyex beach club, sinq and cubana :D   I will also miss routing people to you for a “second advice” when the discussion is about Party Life in Goa. 

6) Gujju fish lover

I have to say this, you being  Gujarati and still commenting on my fish dishes on Facebook were like a shock to me initially. Since then we have gone on to discuss many Fish curry dishes and my cooking skills :P   But yes, it’s wonderful. Every Indian should like fishes. IMO there are only two kinds of foodies who exist in this world, those who like sea food; those who are sad. 

7) Hack talks

Okay, today is the day I finally admit it, something which you kept bugging me after reading my post on hackers. Well, that DDOS attack on new year’s eve, yes of course I was involved in it. who do you think managed all the bots from India, the humongous traffic on the servers ;)  Admitting it here in open is wrong, but then again, I have not mentioned any date here, nor I have mentioned my hacker handle, neither I am saying all this is true. Every thing written here could be fiction, or could be true. You never know. God, I am going to miss irritating you with all the sarcastic double sentences. However, now that we are on this topic, I am glad I found sum1 interested in security so much and willing to attend all the sessions, someone with whom I could share the links and discuss hacks, someone who read my hacker blog post and actually mapped out things related to it. follow thehackernews.com , you will find me there . Like I always say, I may not be a god of virtual space, but I am always - omnipresent *inverted smile*

8) Maal talks 

Oh ya!!  Our “Maal” talks. And no, I am not talking about “that” maal,  nor “this” maal. Maals can be of different types, different sizes, different tastes, different packaging. Maals make you high , they also make you low. Maals can give you hang over can also take you hangover. We should write a thesis on “maal” someday,  In German that too :P 

9) Wifi

This point need no explanation. You know wifi ki gunj will be heard in QH long after you are gone.  Dur dur tak sunayi dengi and all those cliched bolly wood dialogues I am trying to fill in. but seriously, do you even want me to write anything here? This point is just as a filler, self explanatory. 

The list may become lengthier, but as you know, I am lazy and forgetful and at the turn of year, my memory is flushing out, (you can suggest me some though)

Your absence will be felt Nikita, and all I can do is wish you all the best and hope you get that MBA degree with flying colors (flashy colors :P)  and fulfill your parents dream to get yourself in the business, and may you and them flourish together.

I wish we could have interacted more, me being busy, weird and totally absent minded in my own task didn’t help things, and our idea to conduct a paper and attend hacking sessions remained unfulfilled, but there’s always tomorrow and another conference around the corner, we shall see to it soon J

You were a wonderful colleague, a good friend , you are; and also a very nice person...be the same...cheers!!

And yeah, do remember me- as a weird multi functional robotic Goan who suck at anything yet goes ahead and does everything… 

All the best again,

Do keep in touch..

Adios!! :)

The Ice Cream Theory...

The ice cream theory.

There have been many proposed theories; in the market, in the world;  theory of everything, theory of Schrodinger cat, Bohr's theory, Niels Theory, etc,
But never has there been ao much talk about a theory called an Ice cream Theory.

Given a capitulation and a thought process to ponder upon, my mind traversed back to the time when this theory actually existed, it still does, its just that people doesn't want to think about it or talk about it. In this male dominant society ( yeah, ofcourse i am male too and i am not feminist) this theory has somewhat lost its purpose, its suggestion and proofs/concepts. Today, however in this blog post, i am going to revise and revitalize it.

The Ice cream Theory, it was proposed in the early 21st century by a scientist named Abhishchandra Mukherji,  A horny Bengali chap who was jealous of his fellow horny Maharasthrian.

According to this theory "Any individual - male/female who has not tasted ice cream ever will continue chasing it till the time his/her tongue is satisfied"
Its a simple statement of intent. But Mr. Mukherjee used a lot of hypothesis. for example
An ice cream can be hypothetically considered a female (Any female)

Using various theorems and equations, putting all his efforts on blackboard and watching  lot of porn  (quite a lot actually) he finally found an answer to the conundrum which was eating his brain out.
The assumptions were all valid and the correlations were verified intently. The coefficients and constants used were well defined.

He somehow managed to relate his friend, a bald guy with sultry look on his face to the coefficient zero raised to the power x.  where in he called his friend a zero and the power x was the filth on his mind. like how zero kept chasing the infinity loop, this friend of his kept chasing girls out there.

Recently, I got a chance to meet up with Mr. Mukherjee and he opened up like never before.
On asking about the name "Ice cream theory" he laughed, he had a funny laugh, the kind of laugh which reminds you of Baghira from the movie Jungle book.

"Well, those days when any ice cream guy used to visit our locality, kids ran towards him and so ran this friend of mine, while everyone else got their ice cream, this guy kept licking his lips and almost everytime he fell short of something, he didnt realise what was that something, it could be the way he looked at ice cream guy, those lusty eyes of his, those weird jokes of his or those disrespectful sarcastic comments of his, and persuing tactics of his"

I looked at Mr. Mukherjee and he was lost in his memoirs, looking at ceiling and trying to recollect something. I did not disturb his thought process , after thinking for a while he blurted out again.
"And then the same thing continued when he was in college and when he was working in a corporate firm as an employee" said mukherjee.

"The lecherous comments on girls, the supposedly cool "dp's" of him, saying to fellow guys that 'she has a huge rack' that one has huge assets' , it all disgusted his colleagues and still they put up with him. rumors spread though. the look, the way of talking, the sarcastic cheap comments, the weird way of pursuing all girls, every girl, it all converged to the point where every girl started hating him, when its concerned with ladies, the word travels faster"

I nodded as Mukherjee continued.

"He was like a kid, chasing the girls like ice creams, licking out at every ice cream he came across, running after every ice cream guy there was, chasing every butterfly in his town , yet somehow he thought himself as "cool" and "handsome" , somehow he felt confident to chase every damn girl in his office, yet he remained single" Mukherjee coughed a little after saying that. he is an old guy, he must be given a genius of the century award for his innovative proposition, yet he remains here, rotten in his bed.

I offered him some water and thanked him for running down his memory tunnel for me. He smiled at me as we bid adios.

Reflecting on this theory i could only pay homage to this great man, for going out of box and proving something so realistic that can be used by normal humans in practicality.

Rather than putting an animal into the box and making an equation out of it, or playing with alphabets and symbols.  But as it always happens, great men remain undiscovered and their potential and importance only realized when they pass away.

Its true in a way, if you respect a girl and an ice cream and understand its true flavor and genuinely like one flavor, god will bend heavens to get that ice cream for you or unite that girl with you.
But if you keep licking everyone's ice cream or be like a wolf after grapes, you end up being an ice cream less guy, and god!! that sucks, especially in this heat ;)