Happy Women's day!!

Today is women’ day and this blog post is tribute to all the women out there who have had a crucial impact in my life some way or the other.

I hardly believe there is any difference between men and women other than the biological structure (and of course make up!)

They say, silence is the blank canvas onto which the world of the work is drawn.

So as I sit here in the silence, facing the window and the tree outside, I see the two love birds, one shivering with cold, and another tilting its head and trying to kiss the shivering bird. I guess the shivering bird must be a lady- bird, cause well, men will be men after-all :P

Now, most people , mostly girls (especially women’s right activist) will consider it as a bad thing, they will call that bird a pervert, “dog” and what not. But what they don’t get is the bird is just trying to make the lady-bird happy. Poor bird doesn’t have any other weapon other than his beak, he doesn’t have a hand or laptop to write a poem for his beloved lady bird, he doesn’t even have money to take her to movie or something, and of course he can’t cook pizza for her, cause well, common, birds can’t cook :P

I am speaking for myself when I say, “guys are always misunderstood”. It has been the case with me throughout. People judge me (well, rather girls judge guys) too soon.

And despite of all this, there have been so many women who have stood with me throughout , there have been so many women who lit me up and in return I have tried to make them smile as much as I can, albeit a little “honesty” some times.

My mother – she has been the most supportive women I have ever come across. If the word “unconditional love” ever exists, its because of mothers. I have been a naughty child, a tough to handle kid and an expensive child as well, despite of everything she has stood with me and supported me throughout, now the term “that’s what mothers do” might seem apt in this case but it isn’t such an easy thing to follow and she has. And I know she will stay the same throughout my life. She is the perfect lady. She doesn’t gossip, she doesn’t plot evil plans like all those daily soap actresses. All in all, she is simple and she has taught me to be simple, loving and caring.

My sister- she has taught me how to fight, really. You are missing out on something if you don’t have a sister. You are missing out on those cute fights for chocolates, ice creams etc. sisters are like those nagging people in your life whom you love to have. Plus they give you a first-hand opinion about what girls will think about your display pictures and other such lame things.

My Aunts- Thank you for spoiling me, for real.  Be it the chicken xacuti they make, or the calls whenever they cook my other favourite dishes.  Aunts are the real reason I get tummy whenever I go to Goa for a vacation. They have been like my escape route whenever I have had silly fights at home. They are like my second home.

My cousin sisters- again, sister word is synonymous to fight and silliness. I can act all silly with them and still be sure they will love me. I act the most idiotic I have ever been, only with them. The weird selfies we take, the lame jokes we crack, it’s all been a wonderful journey having the annoying and silly cousins sisters around throughout. Also, they completed my journals whenever I needed them to. So, they aren’t that bad after-all :P

Granny- maternal and paternal granny, both are another reason I have been spoiled, again, when it came to food. My maternal granny with whom I used to say during my childhood days is the main reason I have become such a sea food addict, she used to feed me all kind of sea food daily. She used to put up with all my naughtiness throughout my childhood days and mind you I was hell of a mischievous boy. My paternal granny – as usual very caring, and supportive, and now a reason to go to village, to adore the nature and to adore her motherly love. The walks in our farms , troubling the workers and blaming it on her. Spoiling the water pump, robbing papayas and mangoes from our own farm along with locals. She knows its me, but she keeps quite. Cause she understands the thrill I get in robbing..;)

Girl friends/ flings/ crushes – okay, here comes the tough part. Now I need to be careful while putting up something here lest I may get killed (beware of the blue eyed pharmacy girl :P) but I am going to say this anyway. Thank you! , thank you for coming into my life and making me realize where I need to improve and where I should have done better. Thank you for making me realize that I deserve better, and in some  cases , thank you for making you realize that you deserve better too :P, I have been a bad person or may be I haven’t, I have been honest with my feelings or may be I haven’t. There have been memories, a lot of it actually, the beach drive, the night kiss, the back massage, the hotel lobby make-out, just to name a few ;) and there have been positives like the makeup/breakup lunch helped me find the best sea food restaurant in Pune where I visit every weekend now. I don’t want to ponder a lot of thoughts over this but what I do know is I didn’t lie to anyone, I didn’t personally hurt anyone for my own selfishness. We left each other (or mostly its they who left me) giving me reasons which didn’t seem valid, or seemed valid, this is one part where I get the most confused, and I have written duality, my brain gets sedated by the most duplex of thoughts ever. And still I am writing this paragraph cause may be in a way they shaped me into a responsible adult who I am now. They made me realize that its better waiting for the one rather than going into anything that moves (okay, that came out wrong, but you get my point right). They are the reason I have been single for over a year now (ironically) and I would rather fall for someone with whom I can get serious or else, not fall for someone at all. Stay single all my life, adopt a daughter , name her after my first crush and live happily ever after as a single father. #peace

Colleagues (office + college)-  I know I haven’t included the words friend here but that doesn’t mean these people haven’t been friends, these people have been my best friends and have made me smile often and in turn I have made them smile often. The laugh we have shared is immense and the small little things we have done for each other have helped me to stay happy throughout the days. I have always had girls in the group which I have got into whether in office or whether in college, and I have been lucky to get the most adorable, beautiful, caring and loving friends in our group, as well as my neighbors. Life has been too kind for me in this department. A girl in friendship group helps maintain a level of decency especially when there are 75 percent pervert guys involved around. A girl in a group limits the vices like alcohol/cigarettes which I despise. There are lot of such advantages. Thank you for being around you angelic friends, you people are the best. I have been in touch with most wherever they have withered away after college / school / work, and I am proud to have you people in my life, I must say.

Best friends- I kept this as a separate paragraph cause these friends have become so damn special that they are more like my family now. Their happiness has become mine and their sorrow has become my point of worry. I have known them for 4-5 years now, and the bond keeps getting stronger. The friend whom I have even had a classic HIMYM promise “if we don’t find anyone till the time we are 35, we have to end up together” and I will have no qualms why it won’t work out, we support each other, we stay in touch often, we know almost every thing about each other. They are not dumb, they are ones with whom I can never flirt, they are both mature and understanding women who both have been through a lot and have become so strong that nothing can break them. Best gift/ pleasant thing/ most motivational thing I have ever received has been given by them, a note which says that my novel will be a success and the Ganesh idol which hangs on the wall of my Room back in Goa. The memories I have with them is just too damn high. You know who you are, the two angelic creatures of my life, the best friends who will be with me throughout till the time I am grandpa or something. Only two such best friends, the both selfless pretty ladies who have been with me ever since we met, supported me throughout, without demanding a single thing, unconditionally, relentlessly, without misunderstanding me once. This women’s day I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

This post might look a little emotional due to the last line in previous paragraph, but in truth I am not emotional at all. Don’t take this as my extra-explanative habit; this is more like me trying to increase the length of this post.

Oh great! Now the lady bird and the pervert bird are actually kissing, perfect!!

 Stop cursing me for leaving out so many grammatical errors and punctuation errors (I know there are plenty). You see , I am too lazy to go through all this again and edit it.  you read it at your own risk, not my fault :P

Okay, now I am typing bullshit and withering away from the very soul purpose why I wrote this post,

What was it?

Oh yeah!, happy women’s day.

P.S. I wasn’t drunk while writing this.

New Year's Leap

We sat there arms around each other, we sat there with our toes dangling in the water below.

We witnessed the last sunset together, and embraced the oncoming sunrise with our dreams to follow.

Uddo beach. It’s my favorite place in Goa. The peace and bliss which comes on this beach is indescribable.

The calmness of sea far away, the chirping of birds in nearby bushes, River water flowing swiftly and merging vast sea, the only shack behind with a mild music, Vagator fort visible few hundred meters away to the west, Morjim coastline visible towards the east and the perfect position in between chosen by the sun to go down, into sea. It’s such a heavenly sight. I spent my last new year here and it was inevitable that I was going to spend this year here as well.

The sunset was amazing, so was the atmosphere. The shack owner had gotten few Rajasthani folk singers and dancers for the evening and it felt great relaxing over the bed and listening to some classical Indian folk songs. Rajasthani songs reminded me of certain someone, a friend who if not for her parents restriction would have been here with me enjoying this pleasant sight. (As usual- more on that later :P)

My mind got transferred to my own kind of a trance. Dinner; chit-chatting; meeting old friends, making new ones, I didn’t realize how the night passed by and soon it was 11.

I came to the shore and decided to call the only person I wanted to before the year ended but as usual, destiny always plays its cruel game, there was a network jam and calls weren’t connecting, I couldn’t tell that person that she remained the best person I met this year (and lot more things).

Anyway, so I decided to lie down on the sea bed away from the noise of friends and other party people who had arrived over there. I started thinking about the success and failures of this year. If 2013 was the worst year for me, 2014 was an improvement. I wouldn’t say the best as I suffered quite a few setbacks, my epistolary novel went unpublished despite publishers liking it fully and even discussing marketing. Liverpool – came so close to winning the title, only to slip it up. It was tragic after going so close and yet not achieving those targets. However as they say we should look at the positives and there were many positives to look after. I was contemplating making a few resolutions, I was in a dilemma of its own contemplation, whether I should be making those and whether or not I would be able to follow those. While thinking all this, I didn’t realize when the sleep fairy arrived, poured sand in my eyes and made me sleep.

And then, - baam! There was a dream. I saw a light, a figure, so disruptive but illuminated, like a shining light at the end of the tunnel. It spoke to me.

“You can call me your inner calling, your daydream or just a shining light at the end of the tunnel. Doesn’t matter what you call me.

Resolutions are hard to follow, but still we should end up making them anyway, because they give us a new hope, a new perspective to look at, a new belief, resolutions give us fresh start, a cloud of hope filled with zeal and zest.

You know what your goals are, go after them, and chase your dreams, stamp on all the distractions. Forget about the people from your past, there is a reason they didn’t make it to your present.”

This Goa trip has been more of a necessity, more about finding myself. I needed a break.

I have not had a productive day in terms of what I want to do, but I sure did have lot of moments to cherish.

Roaming on the bike, Riding along the beach roads, stopping on the way and playing football with street kids, scoring a van-Persie style volley.

Attending friends birthday party after so long, wishing each and every one around. It had been a good vacation so far, but I can’t go on living the normal life. I am not born to. When that light spoke to me, for the first time I realized that despite going after the clichéd romantic novel on friendship. I should be writing something which I have always wanted to write, even before I wrote that epistolary novel.

A story about underground hackers and underground hacking. A true revelation about who were they, what happened to them and where are they now. I have always felt that this mystery our country deserves to know. Our people need to know about these unsung heroes who fought day and night. Mostly nights. To avert the major tragedies in cyberspace. The treaty, the pact which almost brought in the third world war. Everything. The prolonged kept huge secrets from normal human beings, they deserve to know. This light has enlightened me and has given me a new found motivation. I will not be specific about my goals or dreams or anything for that matter in this blog post. But, I have found it. I have found what has been lacking. Reality.

Someone came and woke me up just before it was midnight.

The fireworks going around the whole Morjim coastline towards the east and Vagator beach and fort side towards the west illuminated the whole sky as we counted it down for New Year. The hugs and handshakes followed, the smiles were exchanged, fireworks kept bursting, and the flying lanterns were released. Joyous and happy mood of my friends and others around made me nostalgic. I liked the feel of having all smiles surrounding me. It made me feel, well, happy for once.

As we entered 2015, we all friends decided to make a move towards the next destination, a floating restaurant filled with friendly Russians in the middle of the river off the coast of Uddo beach.

We hired a boat which took us to this newly opened floating Restaurant. It was at the point where river meets the sea. It’s an amazing location with Vagator fort one side and Morjim coastline other side. However there was one problem. The water was really shallow and filled with rocks in between. The boat couldn’t take us to the restaurant deck.

The boat guy apologized for the inconvenience; he was surprised to see the water level so low. He told us that during low tide they sometimes carry a ladder but sadly he didn’t have that ladder with him currently as it was suppose to be high tide.

The whole plan was about to get spoiled. The distance from where the boat halted to the deck wasn’t very far but it was risky owing to the rocks in between.

We waited there for 5 minutes, and then Rahul decided to do it. He stood on the edge of boat and jumped off it. The long lanky legs of Rahul helped and he made it without even rolling. Seema followed it, and the enthusiastic her made it as well. The stout and short bubbly Nilesh, who was high already jumped in without thinking and he almost fell on the rocks but luckily Rahul and Seema helped him off. Rachel, Areeb and Alisha followed them and made it safely albeit a little rolling on the deck. Now it was just me and Vishal carrying his huge stature, on the boat. Vishal looked at me, “I am doing it” he said and without thinking twice jumped off the edge of the boat. I didn’t think he will make it but he did, with a huge thud that floating restaurant deck vibrated vigorously. He shouted loudly and all of them celebrated. They all looked at me from the deck and I was stranded on the boat. I looked at their smiling expectant faces waving at me calling me over; I walked till the edge of the boat, my whole year’s life flashed at me for split of second.

It was the year I met a girl I met who instantly got me over the depression of the lost love of last year.

It was the year I got job into the company I wanted and the field I wanted.

It was the year I matured as a person.

But,

It was also the year I wrote a serious epistolary novel which reached the final stage with publisher and went unpublished.

It was the year I started second book and abandoned it.

It was also the year of lot of flings and confusions.

Overall it was a mixed bag of a year for me, and I was scared that this jump may or may not take me to the deck of the floating restaurant. For all I know, I might fall off on the rocks in between and seriously injure myself.

I looked down at the rocks, those were the distractions, and those were like mistakes from my previous year. Those were like my low points, or the people from my past who were pulling me back.

And then I looked ahead and saw the smiling, excited faces of my friends, my future, and the perspective in their eyes, the optimism and belief that I would make it.

“Just take a leap” whispered my heart.

I smiled as I heard the tune of song “prophets” by AC Newman playing in the background. I jumped.

When in air, I felt the burden of my past ease off, the lost love, the flings, the disappointments, and failures, everything shredded behind. I was leaving a chunk of my toxic figments behind. I landed on deck and suddenly felt my shoulders light. The cheering and enthusiasm of my friends surrounded me. The new vibe, New Year, and the new beginning.

We spent the major part of 2015’s first few hours partying hard with the Russians on that floating restaurant until the boat came back at 5 am in the morning and took all of us away.

Nobody spoke a word while on the boat. We all had smiles on our faces. I stood by the railing and felt the early morning sun rays on my body. I felt alive.

It was always going to be a day of resolutions. And at that very moment I made my first.

I am not going to reveal what the resolution is since I feel resolutions are always to be kept secret, within our own selves.

One thing I am sure of though, I am going to write the best chapter of my life on the very first blank page of 2015 J

Happy New Year !!!

PUNEFICATION

All the things written in this blog are fictional in nature, any resemblance to real life character or event is merely a case of co-incidence….In real life, co-incidences often occur.


Hello, I am Gaurav. Gaurav Sawant. Now, I was not trying to imitate James Bond when I said that. No, I am not a big fan of his, I am not a big fan of Romeo- Juliet movies either. I am just me. I am the in-between. Sometimes I feel like my life is a glass filled with half water, and I find myself wondering whether I am half-full or half empty. Yes, I am a Virgo, the kind of Virgo whose greatest fight ever has been with his own self.

Last time I wrote something about my Job and my ambitions, I got quite a stick. Today I’m here again, writing about my love life in Pune, yes love life, that too just because someone forced me, “forced” is the right word.

To be honest, I don’t even know from where to start, or how to start or what to start for that matter.

But Pune will always be the city which gave me my 1st puppy love, way back when I was in 11th standard, my first girlfriend, and now my best friend. A dentist (whom I never visit for obvious reasons)

So, let me count how many (1, 2, 3, 4 and half…) okay, this might be quite a revelation, but the list is endless.

When I came here, I was forgetting someone, someone whom I loved whole heartedly, of course, before her I had few relationships as well, but ‘her’ was friendship turned into love, and that slow bonding was too strong. Zoya. I felt she was the love of my life, but as it is always the case with me, what I feel, doesn’t happen. Religion, fights, Ego, everything came crumbling upon and it was a bitter end.

However as they say something good comes out of everything. – I ended up writing an epistolary novel titled “Forgetting Zoya Beig!” loosely based on how I overcame our “break-up”. I approached publishers in mid may. They liked the concept, they liked the sample chapters, they liked the whole manuscript, this went on for more than 6 months, we were even discussing marketing strategies, then one day they suddenly change their plan. They asked me to change the ending. I felt devastated. I couldn’t do what they had asked me to, I would never do it, I denied. It was my story, why would I change the end? I had never felt so low in my life before. It was a dubious end to what seemed like a pleasant dream. Since then, I have approached few more publishers and this book still languishes in theirs as well as my document folders. The reason- they want the same old cliched novels, same old “ghisi-piti” love stories, for mine was an epistolary novel, something which hasn’t been tried in Indian market, I am hoping to find a publisher brave enough to try something different. Having said that, I am currently writing my second book and it is well – ghisi piti love story in itself, it’s a story of 2 friends and their parallel lives for the 10 years- more on that later.

Back to the topic, where was I ? oh yes, Love, my love. Well, I never used to believe in “love at first sight” until I met her. - Ms. Anjali , (okay I am changing the names here, so as to protect theirs (as well as my identity), cause as I said earlier, its fiction isn’t it? and I can’t think of any filmy name other than “Anjali”)

Before Anjali came into my life, there were Ms. S, Ms. K, Ms. A. let’s call them Sarika,kanika and ummm avantika. Ooh, and how can I forget that blue eyed pharmacy girl.

Now you guys are thinking I am a jerk, yes I was a little disturbed back then, but it wasn’t entirely my fault you see. I never really cheated on anyone, there was a separate phase for each. And all I did was stay honest about my feelings.

So, when I came to Pune in September last year, I had a kind of long distance fling going on with an IHM girl, Sarika. She loved me and I returned her ardor but not the love. But we were smitten and dying/ vying to meet each other. So when we finally met the sparks were about to fly. It did fly, but in a bad way. It was at some party, we got a room, we made out and just when things were about to get further nasty, it hit me, I didn’t love her, it was a late realization for both of us, and we both wondered what the hell were we doing, trying to get over someone by getting “over” another. we were glad we didn’t cross any limits, things were awkward after that between both of us. She kind of hated me for few months after that, but as days and months have passed by, I have tried to be a better friend for her, help her with whatever techie stuff I could, been there for her as a friend and the past have been forgotten.

Kanika, well, soon after sarika and I split up, it was kanika who entered my life. Well, in this relationship also, there was lot of passion and physicality. I didn’t know whether I loved her, but love happens slowly, and I felt eventually it will happen, so I gave it a try. The days/nights spent interacting with her in cold Pune weather were amongst the highlights of my jaded life back then. Especially the back massage, I guess she will never forget and so will I, she had a sexy voice, I thought maybe eventually I was falling for her slowly and carefully, it was just that the timing was wrong, I had started trying for the job and had also started to get in touch with publishers for my epistolary novel which I had finished till then. It came to haunt me as she ran out of time and eventually found someone else when I had gone for Goa in 2 weeks. Two weeks can change anything. She blocked me, hated me and probably never going to talk to me again. I was little heart-broken, not very, just a little. But I tried hard to convince her, she had moved on, away from me and away from this city. Sometimes I do wonder what it would have been had I reached Pune earlier from that two months Goa break. Sometimes I do wonder how things could have been if I had said the “love” word when she wanted me to say. All I did was to be honest with her and that screwed up things. I will be her friend once again, and I will make things right again, someday I will clear the misunderstandings , I will. But as of now , I am happy she found her true love, the guy seems to be decent one, polite, hardworking. I am happy for her, I really am.

Avantika, it was kind of complicated for her was the one who came closest to hear “I love you” from me. She was the sweetest of the lot, sweetest and the simplest and I still don’t get the reason why she went away from me or started ignoring me. She was the only one who never blamed me for anything rather always kept telling me that it was because she won’t be able to commit that she is going away. It was a sweet end. Her family was too strict related to caste matters, and she didn’t want to get into any relationship with a boy from another caste, typical Indian love story. And I was scared of marriage too, I had just started working, and I am not thinking about marriage for as long as it can get.

So that was it, when I look back at my love life after coming to this city, I often find myself wondering, what the hell was I doing, how the hell It is so full yet so empty. Again, like a glass filled with water. And I often find myself asking my heart, do you regret it? and it whispers “probably not” , they deserve better, and they will get better, in my case I wasn’t really sure about anything, was in a dilemma, and when you are in dilemma , you have to be honest, never lie, and so I did.

It continued whispering … “however, I do regret – the one that got away, the one with whom you should have tried a little more, how can you give up on it” and then my mind whispers “give up? He doesn’t give up, he just procrastinates, he never quits” I smile as I think of her. Anjali.



DAY 2:

Ok last night I had to stop writing, it was 2 am and something else came up, something more important.

These days I don’t know what is happening, I find myself forcing me to write, that’s really not a good sign. However with force comes power and momentum, I do need some momentum, hence as I wake up at 11 am, I find myself carrying my laptop to the local café shop. My one flatmate has gone out roaming with his office colleagues, and another is studying for MBA, a perfect opportunity to embrace the solitude.

I sit here in the café shop closes to our building, surrounded by small trees so as to protect sunlight entering inside this open cafeteria. A small radiant light manages to escape through the leaves and falls on my laptop. I smile, the ray of hope as I call it, I try catching it, it withers away, just like Anjali.

It was 5th of May 2014. Around 7 months ago, when I first saw that pretty face, sitting right across me down the hallway, waiting for the mock session to begin, beautiful, confident and calm face amongst the vastly nervous, worries, chit chatter, stalkers. Amongst all those faces, when I saw her, she kind of got stuck in my eyes, made an instant connection with my heart which transcended towards a smile. I still remember the sight clearly. She was wearing blue that day.

Of course I didn’t get to talk to her that day, but destiny had other plans for me.

2 days gone and the morning I got a call that I had an interview scheduled for some clients of Zensar at kalyani nagar, I was skeptical initially, to travel too far, and it was an automation testing job, I was in a dual mind, I reached there and saw two girls waiting outside on the sofa, one of them was her. And this time I braved enough to talk to her.

“hi, were you at Quick Heal mock up session?” I asked, she replied assertively.

Then came the hard part our interviews were taken and I ended up fucking it up.

She and I we both stay at kothrud, our small talks continued as we decided to travel together, I paid for rickshaw fare, she paid for bus, we had lime soda, even these small little things made me awestruck. She said one thing, I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.

Then came the second meeting, It was at the company where I got my dream job, I remember the conversation of previous night, about me wearing blue shirt, she wearing yellow kurta. I saw her in yellow that morning and my heart skipped a beat.

That exam I answered sitting right in front of her. And no wonder I took 1 hour to answer just 15 questions. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at her time and again.

Sadly she couldn’t crack that, but I did and went on to get the job in the same company. she was disappointed but I told her she will get even better job and she did in just 2 weeks. She mentions often she remembers me telling her about this, and I feel glad she remembers.

But the exact moment I knew I had fallen for her came on the same day. After we finished exam and walked towards the nearest bus stand, she crossed the road full of traffic with confident aplomb and turned back and saw this lazy goan struggle crossing the busy street. She smiled, a confident morale boosting smile, and that my friend, was the exact moment I fell for her, I knew if god gave me an option of spending my rest of the life deciphering that smile, I would gladly do it.

We spent 3 hours chit chatting, sharing things, opening up like never before at one bus stop, she brought this whole new different side of me, I wanted to stay there and talk to her till eternity.

But that was it, after that we never met, however as time passed by we got close over the virtual space. She comes across as a mystery to me sometimes, sometimes very sweet and showers me with numerous compliments, sometimes disappears and goes silent for days. Every weekend I decide, I will tell her, I have to tell her, even though there are mix reactions from her side, I should make myself clear, I have been telling this my heart for 7 months now. But it is scared, and I always procrastinate. It always finds a new crush, for example. In this 7 month I have stayed loyal to anjali in the sense that I haven’t fallen seriously for anyone else.

The crush on blue eyed pharmacy girl at the local store is only an exception though. just one small advice – don’t ever be in a relationship with a local pharmacy store girl, if it doesn’t end well, she may kill you, for real . I almost died. More on that later.

As I reach the end of this blog post, I order another coffee. My head is spinning and this blog post is getting more and more descriptive, lengthy and boring, I am going to put it up anyway. I am a virgo who always set myself with small goals, but I need to set a bigger one. I need to tell Anjali , I can’t afford to let her go away, I can’t afford to drown myself in the abyss of solitude.

I have been liking the environment in office , the colleagues, my work, it atleast makes me forget the loneliness, solitude apparently isn’t bliss like how they make it to be, it’s more a lease, where in you get a temporary pleasure or satisfaction or whatever that you call it, eventually you have to return it back, eventually you have to go back to being normal, being social.

Every weekend I remind myself, I should tell her how much I like her, we both kind of know, but I have to be crystal clear and specific. I can’t. This weekend I wanted to meet her but she has gone away to her native place some 200 km away from Pune and it rained here. Sometimes I fell even rains have feelings and emotion, I don’t. I have become an emotionless robot.

I decide, this is it, today I will call her. I will.

My back starts aching and I twist a little, just when I do so, I catch hold of a petite female smoking a cigarette in the corner of cafeteria. She looks familiar. We recognize each other and smile. She stars walking towards me. Something, which I have come across often in Pune - girls taking the lead, Something which is not so common in Goa.

“You again ! what are you doing here?” she asks smiling surprisingly.

“You again!” I say as I nod my head “I stay here, what you are doing here?” I ask as I point out to her the building behind with my thumb.

“I stay right across that street, in that building” she says and points out to me her building with her index finger. We look at each other and smile. She was the correspondent girl whom I had met yesterday at some bike insurance company whose name I don’t want to disclose.

“great!” I say as I raise my eyebrows a little and smile.

“Great!” she replies. There is a whimsical pause in between.

“You look like you have some kind of a hangover” she blows a perfect smoke ring over my head.

“I am from Goa. We are perennially in a state of hangover” I reply and do a fake shooting action with my fingers.

She squeaks laughter. Her way of smiling profoundly with those small eyes remind me of Ileana D’cruz from the movie Happy Ending.

“Want a drag?” she asks forwarding me the cigarette from her hand. At this juncture numerous possibilities run through my mind and heart. My heart whispers “what the hell are you doing? You need to call Anjali and tell her that you love her” but my mind inclines to procrastinate. A yin-yang tattoo visible on her right wrist makes it even difficult to decline the offer.

“Sure” I take the cigarette from her hand, closing my laptop lid with a thud as we start walking to the smoking corner of the cafeteria.

In some deepest corner of my brain I sense a neuron cursing me.

And thus my story remains again, like a glass filled with water. Half empty, half full.

Life takes you places, love takes you home

I closed my laptop lid with a thud. I looked outside and smiled with satisfaction as cold wind blew ravishing my poker face and dazzling the tree outside our building mildly.

I was done booking the ticket to Goa. I was going home. “I am going home” whispered my mind. It’s been 2 months and the wait had been longer and harder than I thought.

I crashed on my bed. Again, with a thud. The excitement was too riveting to be kept engulfed inside. I had a wide grin on my face, the kind of grin which I used to have while meeting that special friend back in Goa a year ago. Now, there was no ‘that’ special friend, instead there are very special people, my family.

I twisted a little on my bed and watched the same tree which was dazzling in the wind, now it was drizzling and the tree was dancing to the tunes of wind and rain. My grin transformed into a squeaky laughter.

I looked on top at the ceiling and my mind kept wondering.

Last two three months have been a roller coaster ride for me, from getting a job in India’s number one anti-virus company and in the profile which I wanted to the largest publication house in India liking the synopsis and sample chapters of an epistolary novel I had written and reviewing my full manuscript, it has been a fairytale ride, just waiting for them to give me a final reply and that will be a cherry on a cake. I smiled again, this time it was more of an optimistic assuredly smile, rather than the excited one which I had earlier.

It all started in May 1^st week. The day I met that girl at an interview, I started believing in love at first sight, it gave me a fresh breath. The kind of love which makes you say to your friend “hey, you see that girl over there, I’m going to marry her someday”, *more on that later*, an interview in which I didn’t get selected, but there were better things waiting for me. In the second week of May, my dream company came calling.

As I was preparing for the 1^st round of interview, I got another sweet surprise. The publication house which had asked for the synopsis of my book and sample chapters, liked those, and asked for the full manuscript. I wasn’t expecting them to like it. I wasn’t optimistic at all. But now since they are reviewing the full manuscript, I can’t stop dreaming about my ultimate dream everyday keeping my fingers crossed.

And then in the same week, I got selected. All my previous internet security knowledge and hacking expertise of old helped, it’s like all stars aligned to put me into the place which I wanted and since past three months I am living a dream. I had set two goals for the year 2014, and by midway I have achieved one and I am darn close to achieving another.  

It all happened too soon, and now when I look back, I realize, during this whole process, this journey, the friends who truly supported me and stood by me throughout was my family. ofcourse, there were countless others, flatmates, college friends, Uncle and aunt here in Pune. Etc.

But without the support of my parents I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. I remember the first person I used to call when I was at low –my mother. The first person I used to call after every interview process- my dad. When I got an email asking me to send me the full manuscript for final editorial evaluation, the first person I told– my sister.

I had been a naughty and expensive child, I have been an impossible child, however in these first few steps towards the success, their persistence and belief in me was what kept me stronger and kept me going. And now I don’t want to stop, I have set further goals for me. In next two years, I want to travel a lot, I have been to north, west and south India, next year I want to go East and Andaman Nicobar island. I want to keep writing, channelize the ideas which have camouflaged in my brain. And hopefully I see myself still working in this wonderful company for many more years to come.

My life has changed for good. Pune has been a lucky place for me. I learned to shrug off my introvert image. I learnt to take responsibilities, to be on my own and the art of interaction with the outside world. Other than that I also learned other small things, like washing cloths and most importantly to cook food, good food at that.

I have got an awesome group of friends in office, the work environment is amazing, even though we have to work 9 hours a day, I still feel good and happy working there. For a guy who never used to have 60 percent attendance in any of his college semester, for not having missed a single day at office in past 3 months is a greater achievement then it seems to be. We have picnics, games, team lunch and dinners, the seniors/juniors everyone is so supportive. At quick heal we are one big happy family and long may that continue. :)

On top of that, I have perfect flat mates with whom I get along so well. We watched world cup together, watch movies together, interact a lot and sleep late at night, party often. We do what every other guy in their early twenties would do. And most importantly have found a near-perfect sea food place where even if the freshness of fish isn’t consistent, it still good to visit every Sunday for a traditional Goan fish curry rice.

There are many pros of being on your own, you can sleep whenever you want, wherever you want, get up at whatever time you want, and there will be no one to shout at you even if you skip your meal or breakfast, and there is no one to urge you to go to sleep early.

Things which you possibly couldn’t and wouldn’t do at home like Riding 10 kms in the rain just to have a kulfi in the middle of the night, Not having to worry about returning late in night when you out partying with friends, not having to worry about whether there are girls in your group when you say you have house party. Your lies go undiscovered.

Not only that, in Goa there are people judging you everywhere you go everything you do, like for example, you are out with this girl and there is always this fear that some relative of yours might spot you, there is always that thing at the back of your mind, here in Pune, I can roam with any friends, girls included and not having to worry whether friends or family member spots you and make a conclusion out of it.

Then, ofcourse, you can bargain with any rickshawallah, shop keepers, vendors, bike repairing guys without giving a second thought, in Goa it was always an awkward situation, here it’s not awkward at all. You can try out all the dishes you want, you can go days without washing utensils (ok, that didn’t happen with me, but just saying) ;)

However, with every pros there are cons, and there are plenty here, there is no one to serve you breakfast and tea early morning when you wake up from bed, you have to either make it or go out and have it, the cloths which you throw on your bed and they lay there for eternity, it seems fun initially, but then you yourself find it disgusting and more so, you yourself have to pick it up and trash it in cupboard, cause your mom is 350 miles away.

And the biggest disadvantage of being in Pune is that there is no sea here, hence there is no good place to hang out as compared to Goa and most importantly there is no sea-food , even if you get sea food at some places , its transported  from Mumbai/goa or karwar, which is not as fresh as I am used to in Goa, and that also at a very expensive rate. Then there is another food problem, here people use oil a lot when they cook, then ofcourse, no use of coconut, plain curries. That sucks.

You get used to eating poha’s everyday, for a guy who used to hate eating poha when he was small, it’s a tough ask.

Your granny’s and grandpa’s and uncle and aunt calls you over weekend and you realize how much you miss them and how much they miss you, you realize how tough it is being away from your family for such a long time.

Over the months I used to think that the things I miss about Goa, my home, was pretty symbolic in nature, for example- sea food, Uddo beach, kamurlim riverside place. Etc.

However, today on this friendship day, as I booked the ticket of 14^th August, and begin with the 10 days wait, I have come to realize that it’s not as symbolic or materialistic, it’s about my true friends back home, friends who have been with me ever since I was born, it’s about my family.  

Till then, I am going to hang in there, like a Brinjal or something, waiting to be plucked and transported back to Goa for 4 days and back (I now know the value of 4 days in Goa, that’s like whooping 96 hours).

So, consider it this way, some random thoughts with a profound touch crossed trivial part of this brinjal’s heart and it decided to put it here.

This friendship day, I would like to dedicate to you - my mom, dad, sister and my whole family back home. You have truly been my best friends who have always stood by me.

At the end, I would like to say just one thing which I picked from someone’s random Facebook status update and which clearly defines this onion peel like excitement which I am having and exactly what I am feeling.

It goes something like this - “Life takes you places, love takes you home” :)