...Of 2018, new beginnings and her Coin

…Of wasted 2018, new beginnings and her “coin”

Laptop in my lap, coffee and balcony – I don’t remember the last time I did this with my usual lengthy write-up habits going for a toss this year.

But today, I find myself doing exactly the same; the time is 8pm and the place however is – my office balcony.

Ironically, my thoughts are being confined to the last night’s conversation in her balcony.

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“To September 3^rd…” Maira raised a toast.

The rolled joint remained lit while her whiskey and my vodka glasses clinked for what would be our last party together, at least for another year or even more.

“September 3^rd” I whispered sounding low and dejected at the turn of events.

“Are you not happy for me?” She asked taking a long drag.   “Ooo, this is the finest stuff I have smoked here in Pune” She whispered before I could respond anything.

I gulped down my own words. There was a silence for few seconds as we both made sure the joint was totally consumed; and so did our bodies.

“I am…Happy for you” I looked at her. “But a little sad as well, for me personally, and also for you not being there for me, for guidance”

“Oh come on! I am there for you, always dude” She put an arm around me. And I rested my head on her shoulder. We both kept staring outside as the cool wind blew and rain drizzled, more like sprinkling water. “I love Pune rains” She broke the pause. “…And yet you are leaving” I replied and saw her push me “Stop being so whiny”.

Raul , Nitin and Rasika had long gone to sleep. “We all will come to drop Maira at the airport” they had cheered when she announced she was leaving India tonight. It was only me who cut a sad figure and it’s only me who sat beside her as the clock struck 2 am.

“I am strong and responsible person with the whole world…once in a blue moon, let me whine”

“Once in a blue moon, you are always cranky and whiny with me” She chuckled. “Fire up another joint will you?”

“Nop, you have a flight to catch”.

“Just one….” She pleaded and I refused to grant her wish. She sat looking at the black sky, there were no stars; everybody was disappearing on me.

She was thinking something and I was thinking something but we were both devouring our thoughts and voice before it could come out.

“Take good care of yourself, will you?” she finally spoke, resting her palm on my thigh, not looking towards me. I looked at her face; she was staring ahead in the blackness and the dim city lights.

“I don’t know…2018 has been such a bad year”    “I understand”

“I mean, it started really well but there is so much wait and delay with everything that I feel frustrated just about - everyday”

“Do not worry about the book” She got one of the reasons why I was so dazed and confused these days. “It will come out at the right time, have patience. Also, yours is traditional publishing, it takes more than a year. Plus, you know how hard it is for new authors to get published traditionally these days”

I nodded understandingly. “Yeah…Also, it became a trilogy, two more books” I smiled.

“See, focus on completing the 2^nd book. I am more excited about the second one. Indo-Pak cyberwar always a hot topic even now” She chuckled.

“The worst part is because of this contract obligation, I cannot say yes to another publisher who wants to bring out the stoner’s diary”

“Oh yes, the Viral Blog post of yours, honestly I didn’t like it” She snorted a laugh.

“You never like my writings anyway” I complained.

“And what happened to that girl?” Maira asked looking at me sheepishly; suddenly there were bubbles of emotions replacing the air of sarcasm.

“Oh, it’s complicated” I rolled my eyes.

Maira laughed. It was a great sight-seeing; her laugh. “Dude, why things are always so complicated with you”

“I don’t know, I am always that guy –waiting to find himself”

“Well, you will find yourself and your love and everything that you desire, and you will do this when you start focusing more on writing, like serious writing. Because nothing but writing defines you” Her voice possessed compassion. “You have said that before” I replied.

“I know, just, saying it again…focus on things that matter, stop chasing people who are never going to be yours” she took a pause and continued “sorry to be blunt about it, but that’s what I feel”

“I will, try to… things hurt, delays hurt, and rejections hurt, not having someone despite loving that person… hurts”

“Oh shut up!, stop with this hurting already” she stood up.   “It’s time”

I took the lighter from my pocket and lit up the last joint “what the hell” Her eyes twinkled.

She turned around and hugged me, her head resting on my chest “God, you have become so thin, resume gym, become that Gautam from 2017, that focused guy”  “Mascular guy” She winked and I cough-laughed my first drag and passed the joint to her. It’s been more than 10 years that we have known each other, it’s weird that we never really dated but went out on numerous dates, it’s weird that we never really said the “L” word, but kissed under the influence of cold wintery night as we struggled to sit on the bean bag the first time she visited Pune. We have been through so many ups and downs, seen each other’s heartbreaks and stood by each other, and the thought of she leaving the country was making me sad and nostalgic.  

She took it smoothly and blew a smoke ring, “yay” I punched and thought about my messy hair, the loose tshirt and dozed and stoned look in the office where I stroll lazily like a dead body, I laughed at my own self.

“You know I always thought you will end up like Ted Mosby from HIMYM, 27 and single and always waiting for “The One”, but after coming to Pune, you turned into this Hank Moody from Californication”

“Anything” I interrupted.

“No seriously, there are too many similarities, you are a writer, have been with so many girls that you don’t love , you live alone, you are stuck writing romantic tiny tales, you drive a dirty car which you never wash, and you are always stuck with that one girl whom you will never get. Trust me, in real life, Hank wouldn’t end up with Karen”

“There is no comparison, He drives Porsche, I drive Nexon” I tried to get the seriousness away from our talks.

“And you are focusing on that? I was trying to say, stop chasing after that girl, stop chasing your Karen, and find a real love…. Or maybe don’t , focus on your writings , on your dreams and the right girl will find you when the time is right”  I did not respond. The love talk was always going to be emotional.

She snorted a laugh again, and spoke convincingly more to herself than to me. “The point is… You were good when you were Ted Mosby” She took a pause and smiled for precisely 2 seconds before getting in her serious groove again “…But , I do not like this Hank Moody version”

“Get your shit together” she hugged me and patted my back again. “You too, take care of yourself in the unknown country, you not going to tell me where you are heading right?” I asked and she kept her finger on my lips.. “shhhhh, let that be a secret” 

We took Raul's car "For old memories's sake" she winked and as we proceeded towards the airport she gave me a box containing a coin. “Open it when I leave and the currency will tell you which country you should visit next” she winked.

“You didn’t travel anywhere this year na, be an avid traveler like last year” this time she smiled.

I dropped her just outside the airport where I greeted aunt and wished them a safe journey. As soon as I came back, I opened the box and checked the coin, I knew from a quick Google search the destination of 4.30 am flight from Pune airport, the currency just confirmed it.

I came back home but did not sleep, With “de-cluttering" on my mind, I cleaned the entire flat and removed bottles and threw “the stuff” in the dustbin, after 8 months of 2018 strolled doing nothing like a potato, it was finally the time to begin again. Called the gym trainer and inquired about my subscription. “ofcourse, it is valid sir, till December” he replied enthusiastically. Reaching the office at 11 am, I kept pondering over the conversation with Maira, I had shaved but my eyes were still weary.

Whole day I kept thinking about life choices and decisions, I kept flipping the coin thinking about her, thinking about me, and all the possibilities to chase the dreams.

I need to understand the lull in my life currently is just temporary and better things will come, I need to realize that the decisions I took may not all be right but I need to get on with it, there are certain things you can’t change.

More importantly I need to focus on the tasks which currently await me. Complete the remaining 30 percent of the 2^nd book in Hacker’s trilogy; start with the 3^rd book. Complete the stoner’s diary, it possess that power of making people chuckle. Complete the romance novel which is languishing in “my documents” folder, everybody tells me that I write romance really well, let the world know. Basically all I got to do now is write write write.

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I look at the watchman staring at me from the far corner and smile at him. Even he must be surprised to see someone sitting in the balcony with a laptop. Usually people just relax here, and most just talk over the phone as if that's their purpose of coming to office. After 8 pm nobody wishes to sit in the lonely and empty balcony. But the watchman doesn’t know this lonesome guy is bit different from the rest. I have the application scan running in the background and surprisingly the Wifi speed is pretty strong here, not to mention the natural air.

As my customized scanner keeps popping newer vulnerabilities in the application which I test for security, my life’s questions are getting answered instantaneously, there was a writer’s block even before I turned a Writer, and today it is going away.

I am here, writing a lengthy blog post and promising myself to engross in the second book of my trilogy the moment I reach home.

The last bit of rain has drizzled and there is an air of freshness, the winter will bring cooler vibes and my brain will emit cooler stories. #Ibelieve. 

Aaal Izzz Well ! 

Purandar Fort (The most iconic place) – A drive to remember

Statutory warning: This blog post is solely written from a lazy traveler's perspective, I take no responsibility of anyone referring it for any future trips. This is not a guide, nor helpful document for planning a trip to Purandar or anywhere for that matter.

So, are you still reading? Fine, go on, read it and waste 5 minutes of your life.

Good luck.

Because sometimes 13 minutes is all it takes to plan a trip.

Following events occurred from 11.47 to 12.00 am. 

(Kavita wanted to sleep before 12 at any cost)  

“But let’s go somewhere tomorrow” Kavita pleaded in sweetest voice possible.

“I am ready for any trip, doesn’t matter if we are only 3 people, let’s just go” Anmol seemed frustrated spending weekend at home.

The lazy laidback personality in me didn’t want to go anywhere initially but I couldn’t refuse them, we had plans to meet after a year.

“Tamhini ghat drive” I suggested only because my roommate had gone there a week ago and told me that the crowd is very less there.  Crowd factor does matter to me. As it is there are not many places of attraction in and around Pune. But “Aaj weekend hain, mandatory bahar jaana hain” waale log are too many.

I respect travellers, but those who visit Lonavala-Lavassa every weekend and end up creating instagram account “Travel till horizon” kuch alag hi planet ke rahiwasi hain.  

“Let’s go to Purandar Fort, else I will spend my Sunday shopping at phoenix” Kavita chuckled.

“I am okay with anything” Anmol quipped as usual.

“See you tomorrow”

“Bye”

Because driving on a Sunday morning in City mode with TATA Nexon is still economical.

Following events occurred between 8 am to 11 am. I am taking this section to promote TATA Nexon a bit.

So, I picked Anmol and Kavita. And I called 3-4 people for company. Some had plans, some were out of station. But my junior Sushant was up and ready within half an hour. I love people who say “yes” to me. (Love you bro :P) 

Google maps can be tricky at times. It leads us to destination but people on the way are the best confirmative sources around. We encountered a few navigation troubles and had to turn and twist a few more times. Anmol who usually is fit n fine outside, started getting a little headache inside the car.

Amidst the food, the beautiful farms, the place where people appear from anywhere, the pink flowers , and flying plastic ( I hope the cops aren’t reading) we somehow managed to reached Ghats section.

This is where I take the opportunity to praise my car (Because, its my blog and I can praise anyone/ anything I want ) , sarcasm apart, navigating tricky corners and turns of a very steep ghat was made easy by the SPORTS mode of TATA nexon. As Kavita and anmol sat behind closing their eyes and reminding me again and again of missing railings of the road, I found driving up the slope pretty smooth.

Purandar fort area is managed by Indian Army and the snapshots of those Kargil movies kept flashing in my mind while driving through the big Gates guarded by soldiers with rifles.

Because Posing for pictures in front of a painting by Majnu bhai is must at Purandar fort.  

Following events occurred between 11 am to 1 pm , #menhavetinybladder

It was a time for breathtaking views and crazy pictures. Yes, that is something which everybody does. Some Selfies and some pictures holding painted horse’s imaginary tail were clicked.

The horse painting inside the church now in ruins reminded me of Anil kapoor’s masterpiece painting from the movie welcome.

Army people with thick moustaches were walking with rifles and we took a sneak peek in their bunkers.

Anmol wanted to pee and kavita wanted to greet the rifleman passing around while we were inspecting the bunker.

“Shhh, stop it, he won’t help Anmol pee, but he sure will shout at us in thunderous voice which will make me and Sushant feel like peeing as well” I quipped.

We clicked the last selfie before we began the climb as we had to “deposit” the cellphone. (Ya, right, deposit)

Sushant and Anmol told me “Writers like you will be happy that there are no camera phones allowed. You can capture the memories in words.”

“Oh no, It is such a lazy thing to do, that’s why, I am just a weirdo who never likes being called a writer” was my honest reply.

Because I am horrible at creating picturesque memories with words and good at wearing loose sandals for trekking.

Following events occurred between 1 to 4 pm.  (F*ck I walked for 3 hours)

How do writers describe a particular section with words, I Googled few blogs and found those copy pasted exactly from Wikipedia. That Purandar fort is actually a fallen piece of mountain Lord Hanuman was carrying in mythology. That it is the birthplace of Sambhaji , that it was involved in purandar treaty which we had to byheart in history classes. Blah blah blah , see I told you - read Wikipedia for these things.

But nonetheless, climb was amazing and not tiring, Anmol and Kavita as usual kept fighting while I told Sushant a story which he listened with intent. There was a point where we had to take help of rock and walk over a natural pond of water. I cursed myself for wearing sandals.

The only other thing that we did after we climbed the never ending steps and reached Kedareshwar temple was to sit there peacefully and talk about our lives. The breeze there was cool and amazing despite it being afternoon. Here we discussed a lot of things and I wanted our talks to never end, but being a little responsible and old I had to take a call of starting the descent. Because, I didn’t want to drive down the scary slope without railings in pitch dark.

“I am 27, technically, I am old, I need to take care of you all” I added albeit a bit sarcastically.

“No, you don’t look old” Kavita added and Anmol laughed while I puffed my chest emphatically.  

“Maybe your behavior makes you old” Sushant replied in good term but we all laughed anyway.

Because having an early return, avoids traffic and helps me get car washed.

Following events occurred between5 pm to 8 pm (Smug face)

We took the car slowly down the slope and Anmol started getting headache again. I wish I could help him but there was no way I could. So I had to remain quite.  We drove with Windows down, halted at the place where we had during the morning and drank lemonade which tasted so “lemony” that I almost threw lemons in my mouth. No wonder Kavita kept offering it to us again and again.

While Amit trivedi sang “Mujhe chod do mere haal pe for Anmol, Kavita sang some lori which I can’t recollect. But her voice is really hypnotic and super amazing. Some day when she becomes a famous singer and forgets us all, I hope she reads this blog post and remember this weirdo writer. We all slept when she sang that lori, even I took a tiny nap of 5 seconds on that straight road stretch.

So, I dropped Sushant and kavita helped me navigate to her place, I am horrible at remembering roads. She showed us her gym while Anmol stayed sleepy all along.

When we were just two, me and Anmol, we visited some serious topics, I felt like an elder brother sharing with him my life experiences. We were caught by cops in between but I know Marathi, so they were cool. :P #jaimaharashtra

I had to wash the car at any cost, the muddy water splashed right on top of the roof due to rough drives in Goa, was giving it a rather sludgy look. I am sucker for not washing the vehicles, I find the dirty car look cool, like Hank moody from californication, but cousin was waiting and I met him in the night, and after a clean wash, we went for the long pending drive.  

Because ending the post abruptly is not cool.

Following events occur…… oh shut up!!

I will add some standard travelogue ending waala passage here, you can stop reading or start reading :D

Honestly, the fort is pretty well maintained and one of the better places around Pune where people don’t swarm much. The drive is pleasant and the walk seems well orchestrated with army personal guiding throughout. The place is clean and not littered. And my experience was surprisingly good. Not the best fort I have ever visited or will ever visit, but certainly one of the calmer place around Pune that sooths you down, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

You are not on your own, I am with you - My alter ego

Having an alter ego, is quite motivating at times.

I let out a long sigh “Hmm, So in this also, I am on my own” I smiled meekly. The air of sadness surrounded me; the slow beating of my heart didn’t help. Walking up to the mirror, I saw my gloomy face. Tears welled up in my eyes, but they were never going to come out. I never cry.

I took a heavy breath and let it all out “So, in this also, I am on my own…. Fine” I whispered and stretched my face muscles while continuing to stare at myself in the mirror. Sleep eyed, I walked back and crashed in my bed.

There were messages, “Expectations”, I called, She ranted. She was never going to understand me after all. Her words hurt me even more. “I will remember this, bye” I cut the call.

Social media is such a bitch anyway. It only made me more depressed.

I commented on the picture of the girl I hate the most, “Why the fuck would you do that?” A valid question, I did. But didn’t bother thinking about it.

“We need to prepare for certifications, exam due soon” There was a message which I couldn’t ignore.

“We need to gear up for the projects” A message from office colleague.

“We are still working on the dates; book is ready, but owing to bad market we may need few more weeks” A blunt reply from the publisher. 

It all somehow bothered me. I understood their concerns; I realized the importance of time and wait and shuffling of everything that was around me. I counted everything on my fingers, 5 things to do, 5 pending things and I have got only 1 month? Will anyone understand my state? Will anyone care? Will anyone really give a damn?  

Round and round, everything spinning around me? Everything so near to me yet so far, all things cyclic, a perpetual dilemma set in a circular motion. Round and Round.

I woke up and walked to the mirror again. Turned on the tap and splashed water on my face.  When I looked at the mirror, I saw him. He was there, like he always have been, ever so determined; ever so focused.

My alter Ego.

He spoke to me. “What did you tell your friend when she asked ‘how do you get yourself to write’ “?

“I told her I set myself goals, unrealistic goals. I may not be a better writer, but I make sure I lure myself into writing which leads to a moderately successful output” I replied sheepishly.

“What did you do when nobody wanted to watch POKHRAN on Saturday night?”

“I said fuck the world, I went alone for the late night show, and boy, I did enjoy the movie, wise decision” I smiled.

“Why did you do it?”

“Because, I had set myself a target of continuing to write the second book in series, and needed an inspiration from the movie plot”

My alter ego kept questioning and I kept answering and with every answer I gave, I felt surprisingly lighter.

“So, this month, you are going to focus on tasks in hand and not worry about things which are not in your control” He whispered and I nodded.

“Are you continuing the hacker series or writing “bitches and beaches”? Another question from him made me chuckle.

“Bitches and beaches can wait, I will definitely enjoy shredding those bitches to pieces and letting the world know about their stories, but the second book in hacker series need to be ready first” My sadness had disappeared, my alter ego had gulped it down so easily.

“Do what you feel like. You have always set goals and lured yourself in those goals with expectations not everyone would understand, but fulfilling these expectations make you happy. The normal living doesn’t suit you. You set goals, you chase them, that gives you bliss. Timing of success is a concern and it is coming and it’s going to come soon. But you always set yourself for higher goals and aims and strive towards them. What is success after all but a journey of constant thriving and being better?  Those who do not understand you, do not belong with you. Those who do, always find a reason to stay and support you. You will make mistakes eventually, but you have earned the right to do so, and you have every right to do it. It’s your life, It’s your fucking life, Live it for you, live it for now. And yes, in “This” also, you are on your own, and you will do it……I will do it”

I splash some more water on my face and look back at the mirror again. There is no mirror, there is no alter ego. There is me and there is now. This is the moment. And I swear to god, I am going to seize it.

Pune Riots : A different take ( Stoner bole F*ck that shit! )

This DJ’s music is not just an idea, it is an experience which frightens the ghosts and awakens the dead soul – Nucleya.

Adding a quote at the beginning of any post, gives it a weightage I hear, So I add the above quote, a sarcastic warning from one of Nucleya’s video “bhayanak atma”.

I am confused; this post deserves a statutory warning or disclaimer?

I am not going to add either. Because, “F*ck that shit”

So, it happened yesterday. I was sitting in a car, OLA share. It was dropping me home after I respectfully followed company norms and warmed the office chair instead of working from home.

The cab had reached Yerawada circle with Koocha monster from Nucleya smiling on OLA play screen. “Watch out” I heard the panicky scream of the girl who was sitting next to me. And that’s when the trouble began. A stone came flying at us with a speed which doesn’t give you time to measure the seconds, a quick reaction. The stone hit the glass and it shattered in front of me.

The bass of the song which was playing dropped harder than my college grades.

Papon and nucleya both danced to the tune of memories amidst the ruins of Hampi with stones flying at them, a CGI effect. While, the flurry of stones came from the front at us and too bad we are not the characters from matrix to move slowly. The cab driver though was a sentinel being. He suddenly shifted gear and pedaled on the accelerator, with full throttle the car came behind, in reverse and somehow the stones seemed far away.

 “Don’t worry, I got this” He assured us. And this time there were no stones but a sunglass, a gold chain and rolled joint flying from the side window; dropping onto his eyes, engulfing his neck and slipping into the tiny opening between his lips respectively.

We watched with big eyes as he blew a smoke ring in the air. Thug Life.  

Taking a U –turn, he sent the car in full throttle, bursting the silencer and competing with a dropped beat of nucleya’s next song which was playing - “heer”

He raced on the tune of remixed “sa re ga ma pa dha ni sa” through the streets of yerawada and onto vishrantwadi.

Turning right on the Bombay sapphire road he lowered his glares “You see, military area, we will be safe”. The assumption however was wrong as we were soon driving into a territory of blue flags.  

“It’s like a scene from the GTA game which I used to play” I whispered to the chic next to me. 

“There were gangs of different colors” her eyes lit up. “it is like the game I used to play too, Ingress, an augmented reality game before Pokemon Go came out”. I laughed, before we saw a car light up right in front of us. Blue flames.

Our car had a tiny saffron flag stuck and raised at its dashboard and a saffron cloth around the mirror.

“We need Orange support” Whispered the driver, not being panicky and continuing to drive until we were stopped at the Toll fee gate.

“I will pay” I said removing my wallet. “We will split” the girl replied back.

 When I checked my wallet, I realized I didn’t have any change and I had to look back at her with an embarrassing expression, she chuckled and gave a 20 rupee note to the toll guy and we were on the street again.

“Your eyes look red” She looked at me curiously, “Oh, I am so stoned right now, I have been since 23^rd December”

“Oye, chak de phatte, party sharty” She had a Punjabi accent which was complementing Nucleya’s next song from the playlist “jind mahi”

“We are screwed, this road is blocked ahead, see this video” She suddenly flashed her mobile at me and then at the driver, he quickly took car off the road and through the grass onto the railway track from which we exited sangamwadi side. “This is our only way out”.

We were confronted by blue flags again, with driver getting down and asking “scene kya hain?”, their dialogues in tune with Nucleya’s scene kya hain beat dropping and Orange flags coming from behind us. 

The front windshield was broken with a huge stone by a teenager who climbed on the car, our driver zoomed in full speed and we didn’t look back but could only hear someone tumbling down, a clever use of Mario dying in the song “street boy” made a perfect background drop for the situation. The four bullets were fired at us, we both bowed down and driver missed them somehow.

“It’s very bad” whispered the girl showing me a video of kid roaming around with stones “ I am here to kill them” the kid whispered, and suddenly my stoned brain, came back to senses, what the hell is wrong with society, brain washing kids to this level.

“Indeed it is” I showed her pictures of Pizza huts and McDonalds engulfed in fire just at the exact moment our car came to a sudden halt on the shivajinagar flyover “Barricades ahead”

“Only one way out” The driver blew a thick cloud of smoke with the last remaining bit of his joint.

All 3 of us found our hearts beating suddenly in sync. He pedaled the accelerator once, twice and third time he let go off the brakes and clutch. “Gheun taaak” shouted Nucleya from his song Mumbai dance and this time along with the beats , the car dropped onto the pashan road from where, it took us no time reaching my destination in Baner.

The situation was under control and the sweet song “dhoop nikli” started playing in the background, we breathed the air of sigh all around.

“Listen, I do not like taking any favors, you were right, we will split the toll money, I do not have cash, but I can paytm you…”

“So….ummmm… can you give me your paytm number” I asked politely.

For a moment she looked dazzled at the sudden change in atmosphere and the sudden development in me after the adrenaline rush we went through.

A smart girl, it didn’t take her long to realize Paytm has become a number one excuse for guys to ask a girls number. “Sure” she laughed. “it’s 9xxxxxxxx”

“Go safe” She smiled pertinently.

“Situation under control” spoke the driver and I am sure, he gave me a “Yo!! Homie” high five.

The gold chain around his neck still shining,

The same song by papon and nucleya started playing again, kicking the acid in me once more.

“You too” I whispered back to the lady.  “I am sorry I didn’t get your name” she shouted from the window as the driver shifted the gear and started moving the car ahead, albeit a bit slowly this time.  

“Raja baja” I replied, referring to one of the album names of Nucleya.  “Bass Rani” she winked leaving me stranded amidst the noise of supporters shouting, cars exploding and beats dropping, all this was starting to come back again and I had to run.

It was my first day back to office in Pune after 10 days of partying in Goa and Facebook did not provide me any “I am safe” option. It did provide one for my friend in Mumbai when the rain god struck the city. Should I be worried? Why are they treating me like this? Should I protest? Ask for reservation? Or should I burn some vehicles to get my “rights” and my “equality”.