Orange

“Our group is nothing but the flag of our country and you are the orange in it. You are our strength; our courage” The text blinks as Rudra reads it repeatedly. The blinking is synchronous to the clock ticking on his wall exactly opposite his bed. 2 a.m.

Right below the clock, there is a cabinet on which stands a photo frame of him and Kavya, smiling and hugging each other. Her smile, that exact smile stands between him and his “duty” now. 

It was after the wedding that they sneaked out of the hall and onto the lawn. She, wearing an Orange saree, lipstick with a shade of cherry red, her eyes crystal clean depicting stream water; silent. He was wearing his favorite kurta, black.

“Finally, we are together, alone, Now at least you will talk” She smirked punching him on his shoulder.

“I do talk, I don’t talk when in groups, one on one, I do talk”

“Now, we are one on one, janeman” She whispered.

“That rhymed” He whispered back.

“Why are we talking softly again?” 

“Shhhh, nobody should hear we are here”

“It rhymed again”

“Damn”

Too much of wine between two people makes them tipsy is a wrong notion, it makes them talk.

Yet, after an hour of philosophical thoughts on life, love and witty conversations countering each other with sarcasm, they suddenly found nothing to talk about. They sat under a tree overlooking the sea at Fort Kochi beach. The oncoming waves crashing at the pavement just in front of them carried a hint of yellow –red glow which made the overall view magnificent.

She didn’t say a single word, clutching his shoulder she sat, while his mind was filled with numerous possible permutation and combination of questions. “Is she really single?” “Even if she is, does she like someone else?”  “The moments we share fleetingly on social network, is she serious and willing to do in real?” “will she believe me if I say, all the others in my life were short stories, but she possess the potential to be a novel?”  “will she love me back if I tell her, right now?”

His head fuzzed with her thoughts and the irritation at not knowing pained him.

“Are you there?” She asked suddenly, breaking the bubble of his blurry thought. Her soft cheek scratched against his rough beard, her eyes looking into his expectedly.

“I am always here for you” he replied.

“What have I ever done for you to be so sweet with me always?” She asked, a hint of cute curiosity forming in her eyes. Without breaking the eye contact he replied back.  “Pichle Janm ka naata perhaps” The face muscles around her lips stretched, resulting into a curve which he had started to adore. “I need reasons mister” Her lips parted further and the curve was the best he had ever seen, cherish-able. “Of all the reasons I give you, this would be the major one” he gestured a smile with his index finger and thumb holding them in front of her lips.

“Look at the orange sky, complimenting the color of your skin as you blush and your attire”

“Now look at the shape of cloud” he pointed her towards the sky, going in line with his finger she spotted it and her smiling was just not going to stop.

“A heart” She whispered.

“Yes, too bad it is not Orange in Color” He lowered his voice a bit, to which she innocently asked. “Why do you need a color for the heart? It’s shape itself says it all I thought, why does the color matter?”

He had no answer to that. It is this impeccable way of putting out the words in front of him which had impressed him in the first place, and now that they were having these conversations in real and not on social media, the journalist in him was losing out on words.  

His next action which followed surprised not even her, but his own heart, and yet, the outcome of which turned sweeter.

He tilted his head forwards, their lips met, his left palm over her cheek while right played with the beautiful ear ring she wore. Her lips tasted of heaven, it was a feeling of finding the missing puzzle piece in the game of life. At that moment, under the orange sky, he had found love, wrapped in Orange Saree.

There was neither fancy proposal nor any courtship; their lips had spoken what their words couldn’t. A year later they were married.

Today morning when she had spoken “I want to have your babies” the compassion in her voice was matched by his “hmmm”.

Caught between his “Duty” towards the nation he was forced to consider love for patriotism over his love for person.

And now she sleeps beside him, like a baby, her palm resting on his knee as he sits upright with a laptop in his lap.

Her long slender hair, glistening under the luminance of orange light which emits from the table lamp across their bed. An angelic smile even when she sleeps.  He runs his fingers over her face smoothly. She whispers softly “you are there?”, still in her sleep feeling the sensation of his touch.

“I am always here for you” the words come out of his mouth almost immediately. An orange LED light blinks from the top of his blackberry. A message from the "unknown".

Next to the photo frame of him and Kavya smiling, there is an award kept, glistening, a saffron color fire symbol embedded on it. Rudra, the Country’s top cyber-crime journalist is now a mere shadow of his former self, the vibrant smile, dissapearing with every mission. Somehow, the smile of person next to him is helping him fight the vanishing smile of his own.

“I am not travelling to Kashmir tomorrow” typing this he hits the “Enter” key and closes his laptop lid, putting his arm over her, he kisses her nose”  Her smile erases another pertinent doubt.

Thousand kilometers away a certain city burns, yellow and orange flames engulfing the few buildings completely. 

Camp Temgarh : The Nature's Basket

It was a hectic week filled with late night football matches and birthday parties. Waking up at 6.30 am on a rainy and cold Friday morning wasn’t exactly how I wanted the week to end.

And yet I found myself waiting for the Picnic bus at Deccan opposite KFC at 7.30 am.  Now, I had been part of corporate picnics before, but this one was my first in TIBCO and there was a certain sense of excitement in me, to meet and interact with new people and colleagues freely outside of the work environment. I somehow knew this day was going to be a pleasant one and so it did.

7.45 am, the bus was delayed and I waited on the road in front of Auto Wallas and routine commuters who looked strangely at a guy wearing track pants and holding a box containing…well , let’s just say cans of “Jeera” club soda. Even a dog stopped by and looked at me, at the cans and back at me again for 2 minutes. It was an old looking dog with tiny eyes. I am sure he must have wonderedfor a moment “This is exactly what is wrong with these young people”, shaking its head; and strolling along the pavement ahead.  

The journey was filled with excitement and humor. “Last benchers”; seemed thrilled at the prospect of sharing early morning Jeera soda. “I finally found the purpose of my life” said one, “after 6 months, it feels like heaven” said another.  As the bus started navigating through hillocks of Mulshi, we were greeted with breath taking sceneries. Witnessing a tiny plateau-sque area, someone whispered “Let’s forget the activities and place we going, a true relaxation point is amongst this hill with jeera by my side”

Reaching at the place, a resort amidst the jungle, not everyone was pleased with the surroundings initially. But as we explored more and more we found it huge, surrounded by jungle. The silence of the place and fresh air seemed heavenly, a welcome change from city’s polluted air and we were in for a twist and bucket load of fun. Breakfast was good, they served quality food.

The activities weren’t rigorous, at the request of majority, a group called E.Sense was invited to conduct some light team-bonding games. They were just a group of four, a husband and wife; accompanied by 2 more to make videos and click pictures. And it was commendable the way they conducted all the activities with meticulous planning while delivering a special message aligned to corporate life events.

We began with a tiny Jump-in, jump out and counting games, however small and irrelevant it seemed at the beginning, it did get a lot of smiles and laughter on our faces.  There were twists in between “Now, you follow my instruction and do opposite” said the lady while someone joked “Just like your husband does perhaps?”

In between they asked us to discuss our happiest/saddest or the most defining moment in our life. And I was amazed to see how comfortable people were, given the platform to share their deepest secrets. We were exposed to various moments in everyone’s life from coming first in class to travelling outside India. That pride on the face after getting first salary post engineering struggle to the beaming gratitude of winning a TT championship despite not owning a TT bat. From coming out of shackles of night shift and joining TIBCO to becoming a responsible wife of a guy without mother. Someone spoke of struggles and how “the secret” book helped her with it while someone took a moment to share his involvement in family business. The shared secrets and closest moments did bring the kind of closure in the group. Perhaps, that’s what the E.sense members tried to achieve and they did succeed. Their story was appreciable as well. The girl leaving a well-paid job in an MNC to chase after her dreams and get into the world of theatre and creativity with husband supporting her amicably, it’s such a rare thing in this country.

An egg-break creativity game was organized and fort defending game was played where in people shouted “valarmorghulis” and “valardohaeris”, our group did manage to defend the fort owing to extra person. 20 questions and chasing the person while following right instructions were played as well. Luckily I managed to catch hold of person I chased as he slipped and fell. Well, good for me, bad for him, I thought; but a tiny secret I wish to mention here which only me and the girl who handed me the eye mask knows is that if you roll bottom part of mask a little up, the ground is visible, which helped. Sorry about that. I guess little cheating is fair enough. :P

Another interesting game was that of creating script with random words. Previous 2 teams had presented nice tiny acts with fleeting laughter. The list of words which we had got was totally unrelated, but owing to my past experience in Goa assisting and directing screenplays, I knew we could cook something up, but being always the writer/director and never an actor, toughest challenge for me was that of acting and that too of Salman khan. Needless to say I sucked at it, but happy at the fact that our script made audience laugh a bit. It was a team effort to be honest. The background score was entirely the girl’s idea and she was very witty and her songs were spot on as per the situation. So were others in their respective roles. I have worked with seasoned actors at times and improvising is something which is very difficult. We had just run over the flow, but overall dialogue improvising was perfectly crafted by fellow team members. Kudos!! 

Special thanks again to E.Sense for conducting the session brilliantly and keeping us engrossed throughout.

I would like to give them a big shout out. We often go for trips or some outings together and we often struggle to get the team bonding going. Not all groups have some leader who can say “hey let’s do this or do that”. This is exactly where outside group like E.Sense could be called in, to get the conversations going, to lead the activities, to add that extra bit of fun so as to not make your trip boring.

Lunch was amazing. As we boyzz sat in the garden under the shade of tree (sipping JEERA soda ofcourse) someone asked “what is happiness?” We all had our varied answers, from travelling to doing what you like. What I felt was happiness is being in the right place at the right time. I could have been someplace else at that moment, and I couldn’t have been happier, but I was sitting right there with them, relaxing, bonding, interacting, making new friends. I was right there sitting on a swing and enjoying the cool breeze which flew amidst the jungle which surrounded us. And for me, that was happiness. Happiness may not always be a state of mind. Happiness is being in peace with yourself; it’s about finding it in tiniest moments, moments like this, moments like that.

2 treks followed, one down the resort towards the river. And one up above the mountain seeking peacocks and rabbits, we didn’t find any but deducing and tracing them based on animal voices was an adventure in itself.

Few games of TT, pool, badminton were played and ofcourse how can I forgot the cricket match. Probably the first time in the history of this sport, Cricket was played with background music of Mehdi Hassan and Jagjit Singh’s ghazals. As one guy was clean bowled Mehdi hassan sang in the background “tum nazar se gira” and an ironic run out at the tune of “apnon ne ghamdiye to” while the winning team was greeting by Jagjitsingh with “tum itnakyumuskurarahe ho”.

Barbeque and dinner followed as the relaxed evening slowly drifted into a night of tranquil silence. Customary Antakshari game was played, with boys winning ofcourse , tired and drowsy people sat in the bus but the excitement amongst the last benchers (me included) was still evident as someone danced at the tune of zingaat, hats off to the performer for bringing a life into a boring return journey. The party songs slowly shifted to the silent soulful music and everyone relaxed and waited to reach their stop.

Back home I asked myself, what is happiness? And I had the answer ready. This may not be the best trip I ever had, or I will ever have. But this trip;with me just joining TIBCO, came at the right time, and this was my kind of happiness at that moment on that day. And it was certainly a cherish-able one at that.

Pic Credits : E.Sense. 

Jhalak Ki Shaadi aka Chittor da Wedding \m/

Chapter 1: Jhalak 

All my life, I have been a journey man. My life has been that of a moving train. With people coming on board and getting off board constantly. People, whom I would like to call friends. So many friends at different stages of my life, all I loved, respected and couldn’t imagine my days without them. But then the routes changed, distance set us apart, we got busy and the best friends became just another contact on phone. Perhaps it’s down to my own doing, changing schools constantly, taking drop In between education or perhaps it’s down to my friendly nature, getting along with everyone who became part of my routine. Some of them are still a whatsapp “hi” away or a call away, but we are just too damn busy.

And then there are some like you, someone who never left me even though the distance set us apart. To think of it, we were just together for a little over 3 months of software testing course and yet the bonding remained too strong even until today is testament to your commitment towards our friendship.

It seems just like yesterday that I met you, on the first day of our course, searching for the classroom.

After that we met daily, making fun of professors, answering exams together, being the most mischievous of the lot. Those meetings in the night outside cummings college, that trip to Lonavala, the walks after classes and the phone calls with numerous Hindi accent jokes. Truly, it seems just like yesterday.

And then one fine day, I remember you telling me and Nikhil, that you will be soon leaving for Hyderabad, after growing tired of searching jobs in Pune.  Capgemini being the last interview call you were going to answer before leaving for Hyderabad, and poof, you got it. And next thing we know, you were onto it, off to Mumbai, we were sad, the only friend of us in Pune, was going to move out of city, but we were happy for you.

Over the three years which followed since, you made a point to always keep in touch, calling us for numerous outings with your Mumbai friends, introducing us to Vinay and many other awesome people, coming to Goa twice, meeting us in Pune often, somehow amidst all this, you kind of became a family.

Well, it all seems just like yesterday, and yes, the time flies, really flies.

And now, you are married and going to have kids and I will be that old fellow whom your kids will call “Uncle Gautam”, (thanks for making me feel old :P) 

The next subsequent chapters, is more about our journey through your marriage rather than your marriage itself, so let me take this space to wish you a very happy married life, for the countless time. 

Chapter 2:  The journey.

“I know you not going to make it, you always say this and that, you always make plans only to cancel it” Her voice still rings in my ears, she meant it, she seemed sad, she seemed angry and had every right to be so, “I will make it, I promise” I said. And she just sighed. For me who never made an effort to go to Mumbai even once, how could someone expect me to be in Rajasthan for her wedding? The concern was valid.  

After we cut the call, I sat down and thought about it, realizing my process in the mistake. All the hackathons, all the sessions, all the busy life, what was I doing? I had already missed two weddings, I couldn’t afford to miss more, not of you, next thing I know, I was booking ticket already.

“I will make it, trust me, even if you decide to get married in Antarctica or in Space, I will be there” I sent her a text and she replied with a smiley. That was 4 months before the marriage.

A lot happened since then, groups were created, gifts were discussed, people joined, people left, and finally just 5 remained. Me, Nikhil, Vinay , Prachi and Nikhita.

She was overly concerned with our travelling and our stay, constantly checking on us in the group. She had arranged everything.

The day we left from Mumbai, I messaged her “Tu shaadi pe concentrate kar, hum aarahe”  it was as casual as the scene from the movie Munnabhai  MBBS where circuit asks Munnabhai to concentrate on studies. But as the days would go by, we would realize how casual and fun this marriage was.

So we were off to Mumbai, me and Nikhil, I hadn’t been to Mumbai for a long-long time, as our cab drove through the busy streets and through the “Galli’s”, watching the small houses and shops surrounding us, was startling, it was the glimpse of Mumbai they show in movies.

As we reached the Mumbai Central and waited for Vinay and co to reach station, we found ourselves sitting behind a Punjabi family. The two girls in front, constantly checking behind. Nikhil , whose eyes and brain works faster than the flash in such matters noticed it “Man, she’s checking you out” he whispered.

“No, she doesn’t” I smirked. There were eye contacts, she was indeed gorgeous, both of them were.

“They are checking out that fair guy with golden watch who’s sitting in the row behind” I told him and got up to buy some medicines.

When I returned, He was already beaming with excitement “Dude, she’s totally checking you out, she was turning and twisting and looking towards the mini pharmacy stall where you were at”

I laughed “why would she possibly check me out?” I was wearing a track pant and oversized sweater, I looked like a loafer. And then I actually started noticing her, while she constantly looked behind, cramming her neck, playing with her hair, and taking her eyes off me when mine made contact. It was weird and funny at the same time. I sat there reading the novel which I had bought for the journey taking pauses in between to stare. But just when the stare game was taking up speed, the sardar guy next to her started looking behind while she scratched her neck and played with her curls, he glared at me straight with fiery eye, touching his moustache in the process.

We got up, had dinner and soon were off to Chittor. The night went in introducing ourselves and putting statuses on Facebook, amidst the excitement, Prachi forgot to add the place we were travelling to and the status remained “feeling excited at Mumbai central”. The night we chatted for a bit and dozed off.

We changed the train at Ratlam and from Ratlam to chittor we played different card games. Train was mostly empty and it was amazing seeing the views of MP and Rajsthan border, the yellow fields and the old stations we crossed gave it all a total ethnic Indian feel. Something not so common in Pune or Goa.

The games we played were mostly funny and idiotic and self-invented.  The one where we had to hold card over our forehead was the least idiotic of all. Few policemen who got into a train and sat next to us enjoyed watching us make fool of ourselves, especially one senior officer. I could see the smile on his face, probably remembering the good old days of his own, when he was 20 something energetic beaming personal.

Chapter 3: The reception and Sangeet.

Chittor Fort welcomed us at the station, it was a huge mountain, a humongous fortification. At the station we had an Innova to pick us up. We were allocated a spacious room in which we crashed. The Whole hotel and its lawns were booked, there was a Mandap, a temporary porch, raised just in front of hotel. After we freshened up and came down for lunch we saw Jhalak sitting there, surrounded by all her aunts, enjoying the girl time. 

We chatted for a while, admittedly didn’t want to disturb her amongst the relatives , came back to the hotel room and crashed. We were damn tired owing to the Journey.

On the Whatsapp group Jhalak kept messaging, “wake up guys, you’ll need to dance at my sangeet”

“Wake up people, you are going to sing at my sangeet”

She seemed overly concerned. And by the time we were dressed up and out for sangeet, the stage was already set.

The lawn was transformed entirely. There were lights everywhere, lights in all color. The stage was designed in white and Blue. The chairs were dressed in silky white, with a red linen like a cherry on top of cake. Everyone seemed so well dressed that I had to check and recheck my kurta jeans avatar was fitting to the occasion. The flashy saaris and the dresses were beaming in all the effervescent colors. The food stalls were in line at one side of the lawn. The road in between was full of lights too. It was a grand event full of lights and colors and happiness. Everyone around seemed in jovial mood.

As the dances began I could see each and every one enjoying to their fullest. Jhalak was given a Queen’s seat where she sat and watched dances, like a judge from reality Show, like how they make Siddhu sit on a sinhasan in comedy nights with Kapil. It was a ladies sangeet but there were few duet dances too. And one Punjabi boy sang in full flow. Few dances were well choreographed while other seemed too amateurish. The beauty of it all was though that everyone bravely put up the performance and everyone relished their time on the stage.

The orchestra guy who sang at the start and at the end of the function was immensely talented, he could sing in both male and female voice and nobody could tell the difference.

The anchor though was very funny with her accent and words; we did have a lot of fun imitating her word “performens”.  As we ate we found her standing and eating next to us and Vinay imitated in her voice “waaj, khaane ka kya performens diya hain” we hoped she didn’t hear, but I’m sure she did cause then when I was in the line of thandai, she put her hand in between and stole one cup from the tray I was carrying for 5 of us, without even asking.

The Dance by Palak , Aunty and Jhalak were so well rehearsed and practiced, all three got a standing ovation from massive crowd which filled the lawn.

Chapter 4: Pre wedding

It was a night before wedding. Jhalak was in our room, we sat there playing cards, and discussing about all the fun they had in their Capgemini days and the fun we had during our course time. It was a night of chatting, of discussions. We were joined by her Cousins, notably Bobby. He was a thin lean guy with a polite nature and caring heart. He genuinely took care of us along with everyone asking us what we need and guiding us through the event. The hospitality of Jhalak’s family, not only Uncle and Aunt but even all her cousins amazed us. Few cousins wanted to us to hop over another room and join the drinking/ partying session but we were over all that. This time, we just wanted to spend some time with Jhalak playing boring card games and just talking and discussing things, recollecting all the memories, for 5 years down the lane, if we don’t replay and recollect the memories, they wither away like ashes.

As it became 1 am, Vinay and Prachi sang songs for Jhalak, both are immensely talented singers and their version of “kabira” was electrifying, the way both synced was amazing, if the dances hadn’t taken so long, we would have forced them onto stage that evening.

As it became 2 am, Jhalak realized it was her wedding day after all “arey mujhe sone do, kal shaadi hain meri” she recited that as casually as someone says “let me sleep , I have an exam tomorrow”. It was the most important day of her life and yet, it was such a casual way to go about it. That’s what I mentioned earlier and that’s what we discussed later on, this wedding was as fun as it would get, no tensions, no worries, just relishing the happy moments casually and it was evident in everyone around, they just seemed to stroll, to enjoy as if it was a walk in the park, and that’s what made this event such a grand happy memory.

She slept in our room, we were treated like a family, we were family. In the morning, she got up and left to carry on some rasams , but soon she was into our room, waking the girls “arey yaar, mujhe mehndi lagao, koi nahi laga raha, everyone is busy in their own tayyari” she cribbed like a little girl and we laughed at the startling irony. While Nikhita and Prachi applied mehndi to jhalak, me and Vinay searched boxes of wine and vodka. Well there were too many.

  Chapter 5: Wedding.

The wedding itself was a grandeur. The previous night’s stage was enhanced even more, the approach road designed and designated all colors possible in the universe. Flowers; there were flowers everywhere. Huge heart carvings at the entrance, glittered with lights. That day even the lawn at the other side of the road was decorated. Food units were everywhere, in the middle of the lawn there were ice creams and sweet stalls. There was special arrangement for the men in the house, Mandap had a shady lighting with alcohol being served along with non veg food.

It took us a lot of time to dress up, Vinay’s pajama nada was entangled and we had to take external help to resolve the issue. All the wedding shopping was finally about to be put on display. We came out and clicked numerous snaps/selfies in the lobby itself while the baraat already entered the complex. As we reached the grand stage, warmala session was ongoing. The stage looked magnificent. The people on it, even more so. The smile on their faces said it all. It was freezing outside though, with a temperature below 5 degrees and heavily falling dew; we were frozen but the moments were worth enjoying.

On the way to the stage, me, vinay and Nikhil had our eyes on the mandap, a place where even Bobby wanted to enter, but he couldn’t as he was minor amongst all the cousins. He told us he will arrange some “drinks” in the night, we readily agreed.

After the warmala session was over we three sneaked into mandap, for some non veg and drinks session, yes, men will be men. We ate starters but soon felt bad leaving the girls alone in the stage complex. We sneaked out non veg food in some plates and came out, there was a table at the lawn across the road, we kept food on the table and called Prachi and Nikhita there, the whole table was filled with food, lots of it. And behind us we had an ice cream stall, we were in the food heaven. Bobby came and did his trademark feeding, he was used to it, being a good brother to Jhalak and feeding her when she had mehndi applied to her hands. Nikhil however had a mini heart attack when he realized it was already past 12 am and Monday had started. “Dude, why are you calling mom now, you are anyway going to eat” I told him, it was obvious, after carrying this much food from non veg stall, he was going to eat it, still he called his mom and told her just for formality sake and then relished the delicacies. Food was delicious, as it had been every day that we were there.

For the Feres and other wedding rituals a mini stage was set up inside the hotel. Thanks heaven for that, it was 4 am and nobody would have sustained the cold night outside. We were still dressed in our traditional attires. We sat there and watched every ritual and heard every mantras by pandit. Aunt asked us to sleep since it was already late, but we didn’t want to, it was once in a lifetime moment and we wanted to cherish all of it. And it was fun too, specially the part where pandit reads mantras of vachans and then translates it. Even more fun were antics of Mama who was a little over tipsy still and having a blast commenting in between and joking here and there, it was a laugh riot throughout the ending session of wedding.

At 6 am, when we were back in the room, Jhalak was in with us again, in her red shaadi ka joda she looked gorgeous. The rings on her toe and other fingers needed to be tightened which we did. We had lots to talk again before sleeping off tired, it was 7 am by the time we slept.

Chapter 6- Chittor and Bidayin

The day after wedding, we woke up at 12 and directly went for brunch, again, the food was already available and tastier as always. I especially loved the traditional Rajasthani besan gatti ki sabji.  The cab driver who was about to take us site-seeing had already arrived.

We were off to chittor fort. The driver seemed friendly but overly blabbering. Although once atop the fort, he gave us a nice introduction about fort and its history

We clicked a lot of pictures, in SRK poses and weirdly awkward poses. It was really nice walking through the ruins, the place where once these kings walked. The fort itself was largest and still only 1/3^rd of it was available for tourist viewing. The towers and the place where jauhar was performed were of historical importance and well preserved. The gomukh water supply had an amazing view of it, while the view from atop- of the chittor city, was splendid.

Next we were visiting the palace of Queen which was built in the lake. The architecture design and the whole concept was marvelous, there is a story behind it of khilji wanting to view padmini and he being shown only her face in the mirror. It was well architected.

We made our inside jokes of it as driver took us to the other side of the fort, the northern gate, which used to be the main gate of Fort once.

There, we clicked a lot of selfies again, the wind there was amazing, cool and calm. We sat there for a lot of time, the evening was well spent. A couple walked in and the girl was giving weird poses, as her boyfriend was assigned the task of clicking her pictures, Vinay quipped in with a dialogue of trip “Usko bolo apne andar ki padmini na dikhaye, mere andar ka khilji jag jayega”.

On our way back we also paid a quick visit to Jain temple, I had been to churches, mosques, gurudwara, but never had I visited Jain temple before, it felt holy and great, just being there atop the hill        visiting the temple of Mahavir Jain.

After taking one more pit stop at a handicraft store, we were on our way to Station. Jhalak’s train for Delhi was scheduled at 8 pm.

The scene at the station was a little less jovial, there was obvious sadness on the faces of uncle and aunt. We spoke to the groom, Anish, and he was as cool as we had expected him to be. A man’s nature is judged upon not by the way he behaves with his age people, but the way he behaves with the people younger and elders, he was sporty with kids and respectful towards the elders.

With 5 minutes remaining for the train to depart, there was an exchange of compartment, With

luggage being transferred and there was chaotic running. I know she will kill me for this, but I was hoping for some dramatic moments; like the one where train starts moving and Jhalak runs to other compartment where Anish waits , with his hand outstretched and perhaps we in the background shouting “bhaag jhalak bhaag”, but then again, this wasn’t a movie reel, this was reality, and here everything is taken care of by destiny, almost. The train started and both of them waved us goodbye, there were tears in eyes of uncle and aunt, Cousins, but back in hotel, there were tears of joy and happy partings.

Chapter 7: Udaipur and back abode

Our stay at hotel had been extended. We were scheduled to depart from chittor at 6 am, the next morning. By the time we were done with dinner, it was already past 11 pm. After that Happy, bobby and other cousins came with little “arrangements” , as we sat there talking, replaying the three days in Rajasthan, we didn’t realize it was already past 1 am. We all came to the conclusion that if we slept, we wouldn’t wake up and so we decided not to sleep at all. What the hell, it was last night in Rajasthan, probably the last time we will be together, and we just made ourselves a drink and started playing honesty games, card games. The game went on like this, whoever’s turn it was, he/she had to mention things that he/she didn’t do , and the others who had done those things had to take sip from their glass. By the end of few rounds, I was already down 2 glasses. We spent the next few hours disclosing some closest truths about our life which we hadn’t shared with many, the bonding had grown and trust levels were at all-time high. I really liked this people, Vinay, Nikhita and Prachi, they weren’t fussy type, they were cool friendly bunch of people and they had genuinely mixed up well with us. Vinay got emotional a bit about his ex GF and job but we all gave him and each other tips drinking over it and for it, towards a better future.

6 am and we were off to Udaipur, while in the car we slept off. Udaipur wasn’t really as exceptional as we hoped it will be. The entry was amazing, surrounded by hills on all sides, the lake was beautiful and the boat ride we took seemed soothing and calm. Gardens were okay, weren’t that great , I had seen better.

Same can be said of the palace museum. I had seen better one sin Mysore and Jaipur. The thing about Udaipur is, it has been turned into a lot commercial rather than preserving its history, take the palace museum for example. Ofcourse we had to rush through it as our flight was scheduled at 2 pm, but while on the way to airport we all agreed upon one thing, Chittor fort had a different feel towards it, something which Udaipur lacked.

We ate at the airport and while entering the airplane Vinay was back to his antics again. As the air hostess greeted us with a fakest smile ever, Vinay whispered one of Zakir Khan’s famous dialogue “Teri muskan ki chamkan kahi aur, baadal jyada important hain”.

The trip back home was tiring and as I dozed off, thanking and wishing Jhalak again, I remembered the time, the three days spent in Rajasthan. It was not only the best day/ important day of her life,  It was the best moment for me too. Because best moment is not often only in the places that you visit, it’s a collection of all, the place, the people, and memories.  And this wedding was one hell of a memory which will stay with us forever. :)

A short tale of Un-romanticism

“It’s a game, a challenge.

We will act cheesier than ever, naughtier than ever, whoever laughs first, will have to treat the other person.”

 I suggested and there was a pause on other side of the phone.

“You do realize that all my flirtation will be fake?” she asked.

“Absolutely!!  Mine will be fakest”

“Yeah right!!” I was few miles away from her ; on the call with her, but I could totally foresee her smirking face.

“Great, see you in an hour” I replied and cut the call.

*An hour later*

“Honey,  I am home…”

“Welcome home….”    “Honey..” She replied tightening her lips trying not to smile or laugh. The tone in which she said ‘honey’ was so fake and artificial that I wanted to hug her there and then, a ticklish feeling did hit my stomach. 

Nonetheless I was determined not to lose.

“I got flowers for you, yellow for our friendship, red for our love, Pink because you are a girl and Orange for …… “ I don’t know what, just a spare flower” 

“Awwwwww” Her accent was so crafted that I almost vomited. That was the first time she had ever used the word 

‘aww’, it never seemed to exist in her dictionary.

“That is like the sweetest thiiiiiiinnnnggggg”  The extra emphasis on the word “thing” sent me almost in chuckles, it 

was hard to gulp down the bubble of laughter which had formed in my esophagus.

“Liar” I whispered softly, she read my lips and winked.

“Come…my rolu polu” She grabbed my hand and dragged me in the kitchen. Walking behind her I giggled softly. 

she quickly turned back and I did a straight face signaling pursed lips.

“Babu ke liye kya banaya hain aaj?” I asked, making an innocent puppy face.

“Babu ke liye uski favorite sabji aur roti” Saying that; almost in a laughter voice, she presented a plate.

“you want me to feed you?” she asked, taking a dig at one of my ex-girlfriend I had told her about, the one who always wanted to feed me.

“Yes why not?” I winked. She regretted asking the question. “damn” she whispered.

“Okay babu, before that, you drink this karela ka juice I made for you”

That scared me, she had totally pre planned spoiling my stomach.

“Mein piladu tumhe?” she asked, taking glass an inch closer to my mouth. 

I almost felt a burning rage coming out of my stomach “Na bhai na, tere drama ke chakkar mein, mujhe nahi marna”

Knowing she had overpowered me, Handling the situation instantaneously I changed the topic.

“Babu, I am not hungry right now, why don’t we do something else?”

“Yes, why don’t you write something and I will read and smile and do “aww” and cry and laugh and be hyper?” she asked. If there was a competition on sarcasm, I am sure she would have been crowned Sarcasm queen. Hundred percent.

She had taken a big dig at me, I had to react somehow, but as usual all my creative nerve receptors had gone blank when with her.

“Aren’t you feeling hot?” She was taken aback, but quickly reacted “That’s because you are with me”

It took me a little time to process what she had said, when it did, I was like a bubble of foam waiting to burst and fathom into never ending laughter.

“Cool, we not we take a shower together then?” I grinned flashing all my white teeth at her.

“Oh, we could have, but nal ko paani nahi aaraha kal se” she punched me in my throat, making an irritated face. 

“Babu, you know what, jab se mein idhar aaya hu, my heart rate has doubled”

“Oh No, you may have a high sugar problem”

“That’s because you are sweeter than sugar my dear” I said that followed by a chortle.

“Oh god, bas ho gaya, aur cheesiness saha nahi jaata, can’t take any more” with this she started laughing, almost rolling on the floor  “bathroom mein saath mein naha na hain, cheapo” slapping me twice she took a pause and then burst out laughing again.  “Karel aka juice? Seriously?, I would have killed you there and then, rolu polu” I slapped her twice as well, albeit a little softly.

“last half n hour, was the worst of my life”

“Well, same here, But somehow I am glad I spent it with you” She stopped laughing and smiled innocuously for a moment.

Its ironic in a way they say, the best way to make a girl fall in love with you is to make her smile, but then it’s a weird conundrum in a way that everytime I make her smile - I see her smile; and instead of her, its me falling in love with her all over again.

For the next half an hour, we just had a plain lengthy conversation about our likings and our hatreds, about our dreams and aspirations and of course the small little talk on how was our week and what plans for the next week.

 A lot of cheese and butter is required for a relationship to work I have heard, but what matters the most, often is just the connection, the thinking, the way you two connect and the ability to make each other smile, for cheese and butter can also be used as a spread for the bread you eat while conversing. ;)

I go to seek a great perhaps!!

You are sitting there at the rooftop restaurant eating veg food. Why veg? Because you miss her that much. 

You sit there resting, more like supporting your left cheek with your left palm, rimless glasses complementing carefully trimmed beard of yours. You are in formal attire, a shirt that neatly fits your slightly toned body owing to the gym you been “hitting” lately. Eyes, focused on the work laptop which is kept in front of you. Your wrist showboats a watch now, that’s professional. The Bata moccasins you wearing are shining under the dimlight, you tap your right leg at the tune of jazz music which plays in the background not once taking your eyes off the article
you have to submit to the local Goan magazine. Another tab is open on your laptop where you have drafted a status report to your manager. The transformation is unreal, in 2 months you have changed from a lazy (or often crazy) sleepless hacker into a thorough professional, not only from outside, you feel the change inside too.

You feel the cold wind hitting your face, but that’s not the only hitting which bothers you as you dine alone. It’s the reality which has hit you hard in past months or so. It’s not the table tennis that bothers you, its missing the timely gym sessions, it’s not the waking up that bothers you, its sleeping early. It’s not she not turning out today that bothers you, it’s them, all your past mistakes, all the people that you let go, everyone who got serious with you, while you remained chilled. It’s the karma, biting you in the ass. 

“We are all doomed” you give the title to your article and you freeze; freeze at the stark reality of it all.

The irony is just too startling to ignore or neglect. Someone’s waiting on someone who’s waiting on another, it’s cyclic. Someone is worried about their paycheck while others are worried how to turn that paycheck into white money. Someone somewhere is eating from a gold plate while others don’t even have a plate to eat. Someone is worried about the cyclone and tsunami while someone somewhere dies of drought and heat strokes, the world is so unfair. Someone has a heart disease to worry for, while someone just got acidity from eating a vada pao.
Someone is praying for a good omen; lost in smoke of agarbattis, while someone is trying to get over his bad omen lost in the smoke of weed. The world is full of worries, its filled with a dooming concept that we all are going to die, someone has problem with killing terrorists, while others are making issue out of melting polar ice caps. Someone has lost his hand, an eye, yet manages to win trophies, where as someone who’s come across dip in share market cries “I have lost everything” 

Someone somewhere dining alone, while someone somewhere cries herself to sleep. 

Why is the world so damn imbalanced? Why is there a need for attachment? Why is the world so full of loneliness and creepiness and isolation? Why is there a gap between the fingers? And why it’s so that not everyone can fill that gap even if they seem to be perfectly capable of feeling it? Why is even there a need to fill that gap in the first place? Why can’t we all just be normal? Why can’t we just be who we wish to be? 

The question marks over questions marks. It’s like an inception of questionnaire that you find yourself lost into, yet you stay there eating paneer platter and sipping through a cocktail which tastes so bitter, just like your life presently.

It’s like you were being chased by many, you wanted to be chased by many, you got yourself chased so often, in the process you lost the count of how many actually chased you, in the process you lost the serendipity of it all, the essence, the flavor, the game, the enjoyment, the reality, the hurt, the attachment, detachment…… you lose the count of adjectives which were mixed in the process. 

“someday you will be all alone, someday, and then you will cry, you will cry like a baby, you will want people to be with you, but you will have no one” you remember her words, yet you don’t cry, you are alone, you need people perhaps, you need the right people. But in the game of finding right people you either die or you live, you died. You let the part of you die, you let your soul die, and somehow in the process of finding the dead soul, you went on a spree of soul searching, in the process affecting the lives of other souls, some of them died with you, some of them changed so much, you affected their life. And now that you have found the soul which makes your soul alive, you are realizing the after effect of it all.

The soul you want, doesn’t want you, or perhaps it does want you, but not the way you want, your soul lights up with her, you lit up with her and you wish to enlighten her world, but you forget the fact that she doesn’t want you to light it up for her, not to the extent you wish to. That soul is on soul searching spree of its own, and you are just another soul, and now in the gist of all this, you have realized it’s not all about soul hunting. It’s about living and letting the right soul find you.

Your plate is full, but so is your stomach, your heart is not hungry, so is your stomach. 

You are going on a sabbatical, you wish to walk the path of righteousness, you wanted to make your future better, but you cannot do it in present, its wrong, your present is not for you to shape your future, you can try, but it won’t really matter in the end, people will do what they want to, the world will be what it wants to be, what you can really do in present is to try and rectify your mistakes and try and correct them, before it’s too late. With a new found hunger to write, you end the last line “I am taking a sabbatical, this will be my last article” and you attach the .doc file which has the last line. 

“Change, it’s not constant, it’s an entirely variable entity; varied over the time. Yesterday, its gone now, we cannot change it, we have no control, and only if we do right today, will the tomorrow be better?” 

You end the last line with a question mark, just like the question mark on your life, the question for which the answer you do not know, you do realize however that it’s a time to put things into perspective, it’s time to try and make things right again. And so you walk out of the place determined staring at the wall with a quote which sums up your thought right now. 

“I Go to seek a great perhaps” –Francois Rabelais

Quick Heal: A journey to behold

The Journey to behold.... Quick heal

I am sitting in the balcony feeling chilly winds for almost half an hour now. I thought words for this blog post will flow naturally to me, yet; somehow I am twisting and turning on a bean bag with lappy in my lap experiencing something called as bloggers block; if at all it exists.

So many memories, so much that I can think of and somehow I just cannot seem to put it all together.

I close the laptop lid and shut my eyes down or is it the opposite I did? I cannot really fathom what I am doing right now. It’s very easy to twist the reality into fiction, but it’s not so easy to twist the memories into realm or even fiction for that matter.

Today, I am going to let my mind run down the memory lane and wander through the lobbies of Quick heal, just as I’m going to do tomorrow.

I don’t know whether I am dreaming or all of this is really happening, but as I find myself walking towards the building, with every step of mine there is a black out, a fuzzed state which is controlling me. At each step there is a vivid picture splashing across my face. No shit, major karan-arjun melodrama is happening.

I spot someone who looks like me of two years ago; thinner with thicker hair, wearing navy blue shirt, apparently he had read somewhere, “Always wear blue shirts for interview, it leaves a lasting impression”. At the reception there are new faces and suddenly there are old faces. A North eastern guy smiling at me; I instantly recognise that face. He was not just a security guy; he was my friend, although he’s not at QH anymore. He was by far the best carom player I had ever seen and played with. He used to play carom like chess, his every shot a decoy plot for his next shot. King, I don’t know where he is right now, but wherever he is; must be rocking the carom tournaments for sure.

As I swipe my card and walk towards first floor, I see a security personal guiding me, as if I am going for an interview.

On the first floor I find myself in a cabin room, sitting across Mohsin, he is taking my interview, I remember it went on for 1 and half hour, and then jut when I was about to go for Deloitte round he removed blank papers , and said “now let’s solve some puzzles”. He is not here anymore, but I haven’t forgotten, he asked me questions on everything that was on my CV, he selected me and even secretly told me when the next round will be. Forward two and half years later and I am here on 1^st floor conference room giving security testing KT session to Consumer team. Times change, things change.

Second floor is filled with nostalgic memories. There is Vaibhav and Nikita at the entrance cubicle. Over the three years, I have worked with so many developers, and I have never seen anyone like Vaibhav, that guy used to proactively take interest in understanding bugs and solving it, for him, bugs weren’t problems; they were challenges which he took upon with smile on his face. And then there are some other developers who mail everyone “I am surprised to see this issue so late in testing cycle”. Nikita, always bubbly cheerful and anxious when me and Vikram filed bugs, worried as if the whole world was in danger of some apocalypse. These people are not here now, but their memories still fresh in my mind. There’s swapnil sir, ever so smiley face of his and Atul and Mrunal, both very good poets.

Back to the QA side and there are so many familiar faces, there’s Sagar taking performance test reading on his big monitor, there’s Pooja and Sapana greeting me with famous Marathi mhanis and Madhuri, always angry and ready to fight. But this girl Madhuri, I didn’t know she could be such a good friend and trusted confidante, behind the anger there is care and genuine missing.  Prashant, my Game of thrones buddy when chloe left. Preeti, Vaidehi, always occupied with updates and yet quipping with jokes here and there. 

I am at my cubicle, there’s shraddha, and the familiar smell of Iodex, and even she has left now. Countless moments we shared there, chit-chatting, discussing or sometimes just gossiping, all those memories, vaporising in thin air, it’s hard to catch what’s gone and what’s going away.

Third floor, I visit my corner cubicle where I spent my first 6 months at Quick heal, and I see Yogesh sir beside me, telling yogesh bakhale “arey deva, build ganla” , Amit shinde sir asking for IDS/IPS packets. Harshit, circling his ID card, how I can forget him; my first mentor and buddy who taught me how to make coffee.

There’s third floor conference room, this is the place where Amol sir took my interview, I remember all the questions that he asked, the interview went on for around 1 hour and there were 2 questions I didn’t answer convincingly. One was on DHCP, other on captcha. , Ironically, I begin my new journey by enumerating all the captcha based attacks and evasion techniques. I have come a long way since then, and I only have him and other people who gave me the opportunity to thank for.

This is the same conference where I conducted Firewall 2016 session for whole EPS team.

3^rd floor, 10^th August 2014, It was here that we released Quick heal 2015, exactly 1 year after I was at my all time low. 10^th August 2013, my final semester results were out and I had got a backlog in 1 subject, I was at my granny’s place, old car, driving towards Goa, tyre burst and almost banged into a ST bus, all this flashes in front of my eyes. Exactly 1 year later, I was at India’s Number 1 Anti Virus Company, releasing 2015 version, such a proud feeling. Quick heal saved me that year and from then on, hence whatever happens, I will always be grateful towards this company.

4^th and 5^th floor I pass; walking slowly towards the terrace, dragging my feet slowly. Meeting Vishesh on the floor, that guy has made a very good progress in security, such a hardworking talent, i remember he saying jokingly once “aap hi toh guru ho mere, security 2 saal pehle shuru kiya tha tab” . well that guy indeed took up from there and now he is at very high level and getting recognised, really happy for him, there is shruti , sweet and smiley, and ofcourse Anurag and Mayank, the two interns who spent so much time with me, wherever they are, I hope they doing well.

5^th floor, always a saviour from bad days at work, the vintage foosball table, the TT table, I touch the TT table and I am having that nostalgic feeling. Those late night TT games, singles, doubles, till the TT ball broke into pieces, all the smashes and chops and recordings, I am going to miss it all.

I told Saket I am leaving and I am confused between 3 offers, and all he had to say is “bhai, jaha TT table hain, wahi ja” , the serious tone in which he spoke, said it all. There’s Atul ekhande , he and I play a last TT game, I win ofcourse, I remember Atul Masne, who taught me the chop-smash, he was my guru, there’s Suraj,Dhanendra, shshank, Saurabh and sameer with their unique styles. It means so much; this game and the table, I wipe tiny bit of dust settled on it and put it on my forehead, just to give the moment a dramatic feel and walk on.

I give a hard look towards foosball table and carom board and all I can think of is Deepak’s shot and King’s break. I may not have cried on other floors but I might just end up shedding few tears here. Before that happens, I go down and meet my managers.

I meet Mayank and I remember the numerous security projects we worked on, one directly reporting to Sanjay sir. He and I connected a lot on security topics. The day I resigned, we had a meeting for 3 hours, out of which only half n hour he asked me whether he can do anything and spoke about the plans, He understood the reason behind my choice, remaining 2 and half hours we discussed how Quick Heal as a product need to improve, how the bad reviews and overall product quality needs to be improved. Cloud is the new thing, having databases and detection on cloud. And he is working on it, I trust him to take this organization forward, what it needs is total revamping of product architecture. We also spoke about recent negativity surrounding the employees ; the policies and overall tightening after becoming an IPO; the new service based HR’s who are concerned about the numbers etc. The thing is, in product based companies, the people who have been here for longer time and have extensive product knowledge will be hard to replace, sadly, all the talented people are leaving.

But I hope all this negativity is just a storm before clear skies. I really want people here to be happy and I really want this company to do well, the lowly Glassdoor reviews is due to this bad phase everyone going through, the people’s perspective and outlook needs to change. This place was amazing last two years, such an employee friendly company; it has gone down a bit, I won’t lie, I’m sure everyone resonate the same thoughts, but I for once believe the things will change. At the end of the storm there is a golden sky.

In our next subsequent meetings, we keep discussing about the security issues and he keeps telling me, “stay” or “come back after 2 years, I want you here when we have revamped everything” and all I say is “Never say never”.

Even Gaurav sir, has been there for me 2 and half years, and other than few differences here and there, always supported me. The best TL is the one who never says “no” to your leaves, and he has never created any problems for me in that department. Also, when I was given responsibilities of full module in just 3 months of joining Quick heal, it was he who always backed me and stayed available to solve even tiny doubts and variances when testing.  The HR team of old, Ulhas, Archana, Rohini, everyone who took me on board are off board now, in IT this happens I guess, people come and people go, memories remain, the connections remain, that’s what makes LinkedIn the best social network site amongst all, to show the connection, to remember where and how in this big world, we all connected.

I am on terrace again, sitting at our “lunch table”, it was here, that I met so many awesome people, ofcourse, Vishal, Jayant, chloe, all of them have left now. But in them I found solace, their friendship, their care, their support. Vishal was like the mood generator of our lunch group with his PJ’s and timely dialogues, Raghu the organiser, Abhishek the hidden photographer, Vishal A, the anonymous one all are present.

There’s Shalu, even the guys whom I don’t know personally, ask me, “shalu, woh hot hain na? Aapke saath baithti hain lunch ko?”   she has a burning hot image in office, but what I think is she is actually very sweet and innocent personality, a calming presence throughout.

There’s bubbly pooja soman who makes awesome chicken dishes.

Aditya, although he is not our lunch table group, I spot him, he is such a talented person, he has knowledge of everything. Any queries, there’s only one sentence “Aditya ahe na”

Rohit, Ajinkya , seniors, brahma and company, smiling, some way or the other we all are connected, some way or the other I am going to miss them all.

I see Neha, this girl has the most amazing genuine laughter, people make fun of it, but I tell her to laugh it off even more, love it, Mansi, panicky and with her trademark “kitne bure ho tum” dialogues. 

Ketan and Vikram, how can I forget them, my “Bro’s”, Ketan, I run to him for advice on even smallest things, calm presence with the best life advise for you. Vikram, I remember my first day at Quick Heal, it was he who took me for lunch, and from there on, we have ended up working together for 2 and half years now. This guy really has a good patience while testing products, all the VPN, DHCP configuration related task he did while I kept focusing on easier tasks. Countless moments we shared having fun of the “pencil guy” and so many dialogues. Some things are better not disclosed.  

I keep seeing familiar faces and everyone’s name I cannot include in this post. But they all have been equally important part of this journey.

Finally I bid adieu and walk towards the corner table on terrace, this is where it all began, and this is where it all started; the journey as they call it.

I look at that enthusiastic guy writing an aptitude test. At that moment, he had three choices, to go and work in big banking firm, and famous consultancy with whooping package in Bangalore, but he decided to choose Pune and work in this Anti-Virus firm made in India, and it’s the decision I don’t regret. That chap made a right choice to stay with his inner calling- Security.

And tomorrow, at the same juncture he will face with three choices, luckily for him, all three in security, there are pros and cons again, but he has his heart set on one, I have my heart set somewhere, and everything seems perfect. With due respect to other firms, I will have to choose one, and I think I have chosen one.

But this is where it ends, my association Quick Heal, it was a stepping stone of success for me, and whatever happens from here on, Quick heal will always have a soft corner in my heart, just like your first crush, your first love, it eventually ends most of the time, but it leaves a mark somewhere on some old tree or like an imprint in the sand.