I go to seek a great perhaps!!

You are sitting there at the rooftop restaurant eating veg food. Why veg? Because you miss her that much. 

You sit there resting, more like supporting your left cheek with your left palm, rimless glasses complementing carefully trimmed beard of yours. You are in formal attire, a shirt that neatly fits your slightly toned body owing to the gym you been “hitting” lately. Eyes, focused on the work laptop which is kept in front of you. Your wrist showboats a watch now, that’s professional. The Bata moccasins you wearing are shining under the dimlight, you tap your right leg at the tune of jazz music which plays in the background not once taking your eyes off the article
you have to submit to the local Goan magazine. Another tab is open on your laptop where you have drafted a status report to your manager. The transformation is unreal, in 2 months you have changed from a lazy (or often crazy) sleepless hacker into a thorough professional, not only from outside, you feel the change inside too.

You feel the cold wind hitting your face, but that’s not the only hitting which bothers you as you dine alone. It’s the reality which has hit you hard in past months or so. It’s not the table tennis that bothers you, its missing the timely gym sessions, it’s not the waking up that bothers you, its sleeping early. It’s not she not turning out today that bothers you, it’s them, all your past mistakes, all the people that you let go, everyone who got serious with you, while you remained chilled. It’s the karma, biting you in the ass. 

“We are all doomed” you give the title to your article and you freeze; freeze at the stark reality of it all.

The irony is just too startling to ignore or neglect. Someone’s waiting on someone who’s waiting on another, it’s cyclic. Someone is worried about their paycheck while others are worried how to turn that paycheck into white money. Someone somewhere is eating from a gold plate while others don’t even have a plate to eat. Someone is worried about the cyclone and tsunami while someone somewhere dies of drought and heat strokes, the world is so unfair. Someone has a heart disease to worry for, while someone just got acidity from eating a vada pao.
Someone is praying for a good omen; lost in smoke of agarbattis, while someone is trying to get over his bad omen lost in the smoke of weed. The world is full of worries, its filled with a dooming concept that we all are going to die, someone has problem with killing terrorists, while others are making issue out of melting polar ice caps. Someone has lost his hand, an eye, yet manages to win trophies, where as someone who’s come across dip in share market cries “I have lost everything” 

Someone somewhere dining alone, while someone somewhere cries herself to sleep. 

Why is the world so damn imbalanced? Why is there a need for attachment? Why is the world so full of loneliness and creepiness and isolation? Why is there a gap between the fingers? And why it’s so that not everyone can fill that gap even if they seem to be perfectly capable of feeling it? Why is even there a need to fill that gap in the first place? Why can’t we all just be normal? Why can’t we just be who we wish to be? 

The question marks over questions marks. It’s like an inception of questionnaire that you find yourself lost into, yet you stay there eating paneer platter and sipping through a cocktail which tastes so bitter, just like your life presently.

It’s like you were being chased by many, you wanted to be chased by many, you got yourself chased so often, in the process you lost the count of how many actually chased you, in the process you lost the serendipity of it all, the essence, the flavor, the game, the enjoyment, the reality, the hurt, the attachment, detachment…… you lose the count of adjectives which were mixed in the process. 

“someday you will be all alone, someday, and then you will cry, you will cry like a baby, you will want people to be with you, but you will have no one” you remember her words, yet you don’t cry, you are alone, you need people perhaps, you need the right people. But in the game of finding right people you either die or you live, you died. You let the part of you die, you let your soul die, and somehow in the process of finding the dead soul, you went on a spree of soul searching, in the process affecting the lives of other souls, some of them died with you, some of them changed so much, you affected their life. And now that you have found the soul which makes your soul alive, you are realizing the after effect of it all.

The soul you want, doesn’t want you, or perhaps it does want you, but not the way you want, your soul lights up with her, you lit up with her and you wish to enlighten her world, but you forget the fact that she doesn’t want you to light it up for her, not to the extent you wish to. That soul is on soul searching spree of its own, and you are just another soul, and now in the gist of all this, you have realized it’s not all about soul hunting. It’s about living and letting the right soul find you.

Your plate is full, but so is your stomach, your heart is not hungry, so is your stomach. 

You are going on a sabbatical, you wish to walk the path of righteousness, you wanted to make your future better, but you cannot do it in present, its wrong, your present is not for you to shape your future, you can try, but it won’t really matter in the end, people will do what they want to, the world will be what it wants to be, what you can really do in present is to try and rectify your mistakes and try and correct them, before it’s too late. With a new found hunger to write, you end the last line “I am taking a sabbatical, this will be my last article” and you attach the .doc file which has the last line. 

“Change, it’s not constant, it’s an entirely variable entity; varied over the time. Yesterday, its gone now, we cannot change it, we have no control, and only if we do right today, will the tomorrow be better?” 

You end the last line with a question mark, just like the question mark on your life, the question for which the answer you do not know, you do realize however that it’s a time to put things into perspective, it’s time to try and make things right again. And so you walk out of the place determined staring at the wall with a quote which sums up your thought right now. 

“I Go to seek a great perhaps” –Francois Rabelais

Quick Heal: A journey to behold

The Journey to behold.... Quick heal

I am sitting in the balcony feeling chilly winds for almost half an hour now. I thought words for this blog post will flow naturally to me, yet; somehow I am twisting and turning on a bean bag with lappy in my lap experiencing something called as bloggers block; if at all it exists.

So many memories, so much that I can think of and somehow I just cannot seem to put it all together.

I close the laptop lid and shut my eyes down or is it the opposite I did? I cannot really fathom what I am doing right now. It’s very easy to twist the reality into fiction, but it’s not so easy to twist the memories into realm or even fiction for that matter.

Today, I am going to let my mind run down the memory lane and wander through the lobbies of Quick heal, just as I’m going to do tomorrow.

I don’t know whether I am dreaming or all of this is really happening, but as I find myself walking towards the building, with every step of mine there is a black out, a fuzzed state which is controlling me. At each step there is a vivid picture splashing across my face. No shit, major karan-arjun melodrama is happening.

I spot someone who looks like me of two years ago; thinner with thicker hair, wearing navy blue shirt, apparently he had read somewhere, “Always wear blue shirts for interview, it leaves a lasting impression”. At the reception there are new faces and suddenly there are old faces. A North eastern guy smiling at me; I instantly recognise that face. He was not just a security guy; he was my friend, although he’s not at QH anymore. He was by far the best carom player I had ever seen and played with. He used to play carom like chess, his every shot a decoy plot for his next shot. King, I don’t know where he is right now, but wherever he is; must be rocking the carom tournaments for sure.

As I swipe my card and walk towards first floor, I see a security personal guiding me, as if I am going for an interview.

On the first floor I find myself in a cabin room, sitting across Mohsin, he is taking my interview, I remember it went on for 1 and half hour, and then jut when I was about to go for Deloitte round he removed blank papers , and said “now let’s solve some puzzles”. He is not here anymore, but I haven’t forgotten, he asked me questions on everything that was on my CV, he selected me and even secretly told me when the next round will be. Forward two and half years later and I am here on 1^st floor conference room giving security testing KT session to Consumer team. Times change, things change.

Second floor is filled with nostalgic memories. There is Vaibhav and Nikita at the entrance cubicle. Over the three years, I have worked with so many developers, and I have never seen anyone like Vaibhav, that guy used to proactively take interest in understanding bugs and solving it, for him, bugs weren’t problems; they were challenges which he took upon with smile on his face. And then there are some other developers who mail everyone “I am surprised to see this issue so late in testing cycle”. Nikita, always bubbly cheerful and anxious when me and Vikram filed bugs, worried as if the whole world was in danger of some apocalypse. These people are not here now, but their memories still fresh in my mind. There’s swapnil sir, ever so smiley face of his and Atul and Mrunal, both very good poets.

Back to the QA side and there are so many familiar faces, there’s Sagar taking performance test reading on his big monitor, there’s Pooja and Sapana greeting me with famous Marathi mhanis and Madhuri, always angry and ready to fight. But this girl Madhuri, I didn’t know she could be such a good friend and trusted confidante, behind the anger there is care and genuine missing.  Prashant, my Game of thrones buddy when chloe left. Preeti, Vaidehi, always occupied with updates and yet quipping with jokes here and there. 

I am at my cubicle, there’s shraddha, and the familiar smell of Iodex, and even she has left now. Countless moments we shared there, chit-chatting, discussing or sometimes just gossiping, all those memories, vaporising in thin air, it’s hard to catch what’s gone and what’s going away.

Third floor, I visit my corner cubicle where I spent my first 6 months at Quick heal, and I see Yogesh sir beside me, telling yogesh bakhale “arey deva, build ganla” , Amit shinde sir asking for IDS/IPS packets. Harshit, circling his ID card, how I can forget him; my first mentor and buddy who taught me how to make coffee.

There’s third floor conference room, this is the place where Amol sir took my interview, I remember all the questions that he asked, the interview went on for around 1 hour and there were 2 questions I didn’t answer convincingly. One was on DHCP, other on captcha. , Ironically, I begin my new journey by enumerating all the captcha based attacks and evasion techniques. I have come a long way since then, and I only have him and other people who gave me the opportunity to thank for.

This is the same conference where I conducted Firewall 2016 session for whole EPS team.

3^rd floor, 10^th August 2014, It was here that we released Quick heal 2015, exactly 1 year after I was at my all time low. 10^th August 2013, my final semester results were out and I had got a backlog in 1 subject, I was at my granny’s place, old car, driving towards Goa, tyre burst and almost banged into a ST bus, all this flashes in front of my eyes. Exactly 1 year later, I was at India’s Number 1 Anti Virus Company, releasing 2015 version, such a proud feeling. Quick heal saved me that year and from then on, hence whatever happens, I will always be grateful towards this company.

4^th and 5^th floor I pass; walking slowly towards the terrace, dragging my feet slowly. Meeting Vishesh on the floor, that guy has made a very good progress in security, such a hardworking talent, i remember he saying jokingly once “aap hi toh guru ho mere, security 2 saal pehle shuru kiya tha tab” . well that guy indeed took up from there and now he is at very high level and getting recognised, really happy for him, there is shruti , sweet and smiley, and ofcourse Anurag and Mayank, the two interns who spent so much time with me, wherever they are, I hope they doing well.

5^th floor, always a saviour from bad days at work, the vintage foosball table, the TT table, I touch the TT table and I am having that nostalgic feeling. Those late night TT games, singles, doubles, till the TT ball broke into pieces, all the smashes and chops and recordings, I am going to miss it all.

I told Saket I am leaving and I am confused between 3 offers, and all he had to say is “bhai, jaha TT table hain, wahi ja” , the serious tone in which he spoke, said it all. There’s Atul ekhande , he and I play a last TT game, I win ofcourse, I remember Atul Masne, who taught me the chop-smash, he was my guru, there’s Suraj,Dhanendra, shshank, Saurabh and sameer with their unique styles. It means so much; this game and the table, I wipe tiny bit of dust settled on it and put it on my forehead, just to give the moment a dramatic feel and walk on.

I give a hard look towards foosball table and carom board and all I can think of is Deepak’s shot and King’s break. I may not have cried on other floors but I might just end up shedding few tears here. Before that happens, I go down and meet my managers.

I meet Mayank and I remember the numerous security projects we worked on, one directly reporting to Sanjay sir. He and I connected a lot on security topics. The day I resigned, we had a meeting for 3 hours, out of which only half n hour he asked me whether he can do anything and spoke about the plans, He understood the reason behind my choice, remaining 2 and half hours we discussed how Quick Heal as a product need to improve, how the bad reviews and overall product quality needs to be improved. Cloud is the new thing, having databases and detection on cloud. And he is working on it, I trust him to take this organization forward, what it needs is total revamping of product architecture. We also spoke about recent negativity surrounding the employees ; the policies and overall tightening after becoming an IPO; the new service based HR’s who are concerned about the numbers etc. The thing is, in product based companies, the people who have been here for longer time and have extensive product knowledge will be hard to replace, sadly, all the talented people are leaving.

But I hope all this negativity is just a storm before clear skies. I really want people here to be happy and I really want this company to do well, the lowly Glassdoor reviews is due to this bad phase everyone going through, the people’s perspective and outlook needs to change. This place was amazing last two years, such an employee friendly company; it has gone down a bit, I won’t lie, I’m sure everyone resonate the same thoughts, but I for once believe the things will change. At the end of the storm there is a golden sky.

In our next subsequent meetings, we keep discussing about the security issues and he keeps telling me, “stay” or “come back after 2 years, I want you here when we have revamped everything” and all I say is “Never say never”.

Even Gaurav sir, has been there for me 2 and half years, and other than few differences here and there, always supported me. The best TL is the one who never says “no” to your leaves, and he has never created any problems for me in that department. Also, when I was given responsibilities of full module in just 3 months of joining Quick heal, it was he who always backed me and stayed available to solve even tiny doubts and variances when testing.  The HR team of old, Ulhas, Archana, Rohini, everyone who took me on board are off board now, in IT this happens I guess, people come and people go, memories remain, the connections remain, that’s what makes LinkedIn the best social network site amongst all, to show the connection, to remember where and how in this big world, we all connected.

I am on terrace again, sitting at our “lunch table”, it was here, that I met so many awesome people, ofcourse, Vishal, Jayant, chloe, all of them have left now. But in them I found solace, their friendship, their care, their support. Vishal was like the mood generator of our lunch group with his PJ’s and timely dialogues, Raghu the organiser, Abhishek the hidden photographer, Vishal A, the anonymous one all are present.

There’s Shalu, even the guys whom I don’t know personally, ask me, “shalu, woh hot hain na? Aapke saath baithti hain lunch ko?”   she has a burning hot image in office, but what I think is she is actually very sweet and innocent personality, a calming presence throughout.

There’s bubbly pooja soman who makes awesome chicken dishes.

Aditya, although he is not our lunch table group, I spot him, he is such a talented person, he has knowledge of everything. Any queries, there’s only one sentence “Aditya ahe na”

Rohit, Ajinkya , seniors, brahma and company, smiling, some way or the other we all are connected, some way or the other I am going to miss them all.

I see Neha, this girl has the most amazing genuine laughter, people make fun of it, but I tell her to laugh it off even more, love it, Mansi, panicky and with her trademark “kitne bure ho tum” dialogues. 

Ketan and Vikram, how can I forget them, my “Bro’s”, Ketan, I run to him for advice on even smallest things, calm presence with the best life advise for you. Vikram, I remember my first day at Quick Heal, it was he who took me for lunch, and from there on, we have ended up working together for 2 and half years now. This guy really has a good patience while testing products, all the VPN, DHCP configuration related task he did while I kept focusing on easier tasks. Countless moments we shared having fun of the “pencil guy” and so many dialogues. Some things are better not disclosed.  

I keep seeing familiar faces and everyone’s name I cannot include in this post. But they all have been equally important part of this journey.

Finally I bid adieu and walk towards the corner table on terrace, this is where it all began, and this is where it all started; the journey as they call it.

I look at that enthusiastic guy writing an aptitude test. At that moment, he had three choices, to go and work in big banking firm, and famous consultancy with whooping package in Bangalore, but he decided to choose Pune and work in this Anti-Virus firm made in India, and it’s the decision I don’t regret. That chap made a right choice to stay with his inner calling- Security.

And tomorrow, at the same juncture he will face with three choices, luckily for him, all three in security, there are pros and cons again, but he has his heart set on one, I have my heart set somewhere, and everything seems perfect. With due respect to other firms, I will have to choose one, and I think I have chosen one.

But this is where it ends, my association Quick Heal, it was a stepping stone of success for me, and whatever happens from here on, Quick heal will always have a soft corner in my heart, just like your first crush, your first love, it eventually ends most of the time, but it leaves a mark somewhere on some old tree or like an imprint in the sand.

A day of friendship (And an apple)

Last year; this day, i wrote for a few close friends, prior to that i wrote for my parents. There have always been special people for whom i wrote on this special occasion of friendship day, but there was never a special someone for whom i could dedicated-ly write one post for.

 So, it was no wonder that as soon as i sat there in front of my lappy thinking of writing a friendship day poem, my thoughts were inclined on missing someone. To think of it, some gave up on me; some i gave up on. The list was long, nostalgia was too much to handle, “Don’t go in past, don’t call up past” kept shouting my brain. “Give a try, there is more to you, dont be a cold hearted basterd” whispered my heart.

Scrolling through my whatsapp contacts i found familiar names, some without display pics, those who blocked me for different reasons, Am i such a jerk? I found asking myself. Isnt being honest about your feelings the right way to go about love? Some needed lifelong commitments without even being together for a month, some needed me to be with them 24x7, some started with friends with benefits and got so close, there were less benefits/friendships and more emotional fights, some disappeared without trace, some found someone better, some left for no apparent reason; i tried and i failed, but atleast i tried.

Loneliness, the feeling which can make or break your life, make- in a way it prepares you for a span of solitude and sometimes solitude can be bliss, break- it cripples you, depression followed by pangs of anxiety, havent felt that for longer periods since i have moved to pune though and that is a positive.

But tonight, it was different, tonight it was her presence that came like a freshly anticipated smell of mud, like a blossoming flower; like a shining light.

It was an unexpected surprise, i didn’t expect her to be here , it was just a random joke we played and in that joke i found herself seeking reality, I did not remember leaving the door open, i just remembered shutting of the other bedroom’s door, my roomie was long asleep, I had lost the track of time as i got a ring from her waiting outside.

Next thing i knew, we; out on streets in drizzly  rain, chasing light, racing against the time to find closest CCD open, and our luck would have it, we reached just on time, for their last order, A coffee and long ride in cold drizzly rain later, we found ourselves back in my apartment, she wore my black jacket and she looked absolutely gorgeous in it.

“write something for me” she smiled. Behind her smile i saw her eyes twinkling, her dark black hair smooth, let loose; shine through the dim light in my bedroom.

“I can’t” whispering back, i shied away from the obvious excitement.

“Tonight, i will help you write” she winked.  I slapped myself twice to make me believe i wasnt dreaming. I werent.

And so for the next half an hour we found ourselves sitting across each other, in dim light, with me in front of my lappy, backlit keyboard lit to make keys visible, and she sitting in front , opposite end of my writing table resting her chin on a small bridge like structure she had made using her hands and interwined fingers, a bridge i wouldn’t mind riding on. My writing-concentration had really been challenged and it was hard to focus down on laptop keys with she across, especially when her toe kept exploring and fidgiting with my ankles and toes.

It was only then that i noticed what she had worn, a black tank top, covered with my black jacket, the black kohl in her crystal clean eyes spoke volumes of her beauty, the slender shoulder and thin nose had me hooked throughout. The lust in her eyes and luscious lips craved for something more than just my writing.

It was inevitable that i shut laptop after writing just one word.

“pulchritudinous” i spoke softly and she had a wicked smile forming on her face.

“just one word?”

“its the longest word in english dictionary meaning beautiful” I replied.

I could see her smile turning into a wide grin, our faces moved towards each other almost telepathically. Closing our eyes, we kissed for just about 30 seconds, Yeah, i am the guy that keeps time of about everything. We laughed while seated at the table looking into ech other’s eyes. Her cold lips tasted of warm coffee and sugar, lots n lots of sugar.

“Happy friendship day”  She whispered, looking at the watch. It was  1 am, “Sorry for the late wishes” she winked.

“Oh! So that kiss was a friendly-kiss?” I asked and spotted her blushing.

“yeah, i was just burning my calories” she winked.

“oh! So what am I? Your calorie burning machine?” to which she nodded so cutely that i wanted to kiss her again. She sensed the feeling and put her finger on my lips shaking her head slowly in the process making tiny eyes, anticipatory smile on her face. “patience my lion”

She continued. “Tonight, we will just talk, you say one thing, i will say another....”

“ And who knows maybe next thing we know, we would want to spend the rest of our lives in the middle of that conversation” I quipped in and saw her face lit up. She looked like a Van gough painting, A starry night.

We both complained of not being sleepy and out we went, in balcony, the drizzly rain was turning into a more thunderous shower;I knew she is afraid of lightening and was hoping it strikes frightening her in the process ; resulting in me getting a hug, but universe is a bitch, it just kept raining heavily, thick droplets hitting our faces, she complaining of neck pain and me giving her a tantric neck massage i learned during my one month in vipasana. That seemed to sooth her down as we sat there in balcony and spoke about life and philosophies, talking philosophy, Game of thrones , and playing game of wits has always been our forte.

Back in the bedroom we watched F.R.I.E.N.D s episodes on repeat, that was our small little way of celebrating the whole “friendship night” thing.

It was 3.30 am. “I am hungry” she complained. A small tip for guys, you might not get to hear those 3 letter words “i love u” from your special friend often, but you will definitely get to hear these 3 words “I am hungry”, it can come out of a girl’s mouth anytime anywhere, so always be prepared.

I had few apples, we went out in the kitchen and she got a first bite of one apple, that made her lips look even more sweet, her white teeth shining in the dark.

And that was it, that was the moment, a second kiss was waiting, i remember she telling me about her kitchen fetish, and as soon as she was done with another large bite of apple; i turned her around , made her sit on kitchen shelf, holding her face in my palm, i kissed fiercely, she reacted even more roughly, almost biting my lower lip in the process, i could sense a drop of blood falling on my tshirt collar; realizing her fiery i decided to lower my head onto her neck, sliding her tshirt and bra strap down my lips dug beneath her face onto her neck. Dragging my lips from her neck to her earlobe and biting it softly i whispered “ Do you know I am a vampire?”  “uh-huh” she moaned.

“I dont bite to sip blood, i just bite softly” I cracked my lame sentence which didnt come out right ; neverthless giving her hicky in the process, my love bites marked my territory all over her neck and further below.

She had me pinned and locked my hips with her legs; i had my nose on hers and my lips exploring her innately beautiful face.

“shouldnt we take this inside?” she whispered as soon as we heard noise coming from other bedroom.

What happened next was something which is beyond the scope of any blog i am writing or i will ever write and a gentleman never discusses his bedroom life anyway.

All i remember next is waking at 7 am, with she in my arms; her warm breath over my neck ; her head rested on my left hand which was numb, a thought to shift her head a little, crossed my mind, but i chucked it, lest she wakes up.
_________________________________________________________________________________

I wake up again, its 12 and there is no-one hugging me, just a formulation of my blanket, If blankets ever had faces it would be “wtf dude” kind of face right now, i feel embarrassed, quickly i come out of room and check out the other bedroom, my roomie happily snoring, i find myself at the kitchen table.

I find no one in bathroom or balcony, kitchen. She is gone, or so i hope, perhaps she was never here, was i dreaming? Have i been smoking a lot of this crazy stuff which my friend gave me from goa?
No no , i didn’t even touch it.

My jacket is on the chair, lying lifelessly as if its never been used for days. She kept it back there maybe, before sneaking out. Maybe.

I am brushing looking myself in the mirror and there’s not even a single evidence of lip bite, it healed quickly perhaps, lip cuts do.

I smile at myself, Did it all just happened? Or was i too stoned and delusional. I always wanted to write one novel with an ambiguous ending, So maybe i got a dream of it. what kind of sorcery is this? I laugh it off.

“were you here last night?” i text her.   “Lol, no” she replies with a wink.  I dont know what to make of it now.

Surprised and not remembering a thing i end up writing a story on my blog, a story about a single guy describing his weirdly erotic dream (reality?) about which he doesnt remember a thing apparently. I don’t miss that special friend anymore , I have my blog; my friend who is always there for me, a friend who gives me a stage to extrapolate my thoughts; I type out most of the things, it is ofcourse, my story to tell.


The half eaten apple at the dinner table winks at me, it has a different story to tell. ;) 

Kya Actor-giri hain

Another month; another "wicket" goes down.
And as the tradition which has started with chloe's departure from Quick Heal, here I am, writing a post for the the one who's going.

This time , its you Vishal, I always somehow knew, you would be the one lined up sooner rather than later, but now that you are going, there will be a void, which will be hard to fill in.

Throughout my two years and more, you have cut an enthusiastic figure like no one else, be it taking responsibility for something or making fun of something/someone, you have always been a lead figure at it.

This blogpost is dedicated to you brother. Today as you spoke about all of us, we sat there and heard, the emotions with which you spoke and the care and attachment in your voice for all of us seemed so genuine. Behind the reactive and happy go lucky face there's a hidden gem of a person who is so caring and kind. Behind the tough guy there's a soft soul which makes you an incredibly awesome person and a much better friend to have.

Tomorrow you have called us all for party. The kind of party where a bunch of guys meet and have a drink together. you know me, this is the kind of party I have always avoided with you guys. Occasional clubbing and a sip of wine with someone special for a dine, that's the only kind of drinking I am accustomed to, or maybe in a sports bar watching a game with friends with a pint of beer, just for company.

But tomorrow, i will be there, even if i have to go early, i will just visit you, just to keep your word mind you, only a light breezer probably, and for the selfish me this is a big ask, but you are one person I would really be willing to do that, compromise my weekend plans just for one sip of cold breezer, considering today was your last day in Quick Heal. :P

Its only when someone leaves, you unknowingly realise how big their importance is, you will be missed sorely, for all the laughter we shared and all the memories we created.

In this blog post, I have tried to sum up few glaring points which will be missed. and also ,  i asked others to share a dialogue or memory of you, surprised to know there were many , I have included that in the end.

1) HAPPY GO LUCKY, Always.

Well, i remember the day we first met, you and vikram were the first people to take me up on terrace for lunch , you were my first team mate , even though i worked only for a month in scan engine.
Even then , i remember you trying to make up plans, organise a group picnic (something which remained pending still). During the days of "Vision mission", it was always you, who used to monitor and take up responsibility to find and make someone say it, mostly to make fun of him/her.
This happy nature of yours and habit of yours to take initiative for celebrating birthdays or decorating desks are currently being missed on our floor since the time you shifted, but now, it will be almost non existent, that energy and the constant nagging to get these things done.

2) Fish Curry Rice.

Okay, i had to include this. You are probably the only non goan whom i have met in my life, who has gone 5 days straight on "fish curry rice and kings" diet. Even on the last day when i myself being a goan got tired of fish, you said "no no, fish curry and beer" , that is such an unique aspect of yours which makes me respect you even more, yeah i am biased towards sea food lovers, but seriously, this was too much. Also the time spent in goa was so much fun with you in it, you took up responsibility of driving one car without being fatigued and despite drinking so much; I could drive other and also manage routes, would have been harder without you, kudos to your stamina.

3)  Discussions at the lunch table, especially Marathi-Hindi.

This point almost everyone will agree, lunch table discussions will never be so fun without you in it, and by going away you are taking that big chunk of fun excitement and healthy laughter from most of us. Ofcourse that targets always used to neha, shikha, but even the discussions where there were no targets, you used to make it very interesting, be it the topic of conjuring or any other movie, current affairs your way of putting those matters in front of everyone with energetic laughter was so infectious, it used to make all the others laugh as well. And ofcourse, how will we forget your unique marathi-hindi combo dialogues. This has appeared number 3 on my list, but trust me, as the time passes, this will be the most missed thing, like i mentioned earlier, lunch table will miss that enthusiastic and effervescent presence of yours.

4) Star of the party.

When someone wants to have a happening party or happening moment, you are always the one to call upon. you know how to enjoy life to the fullest, and your ability to get drunk and more importantly get others drunk will be one that's gonna lack now in future QH parties. I have never seen anyone have so much emphasis on drinking and making others drink so much. In goa we drank five different types of drinks on 5 different days and it was all down to your persuading, and the champagne on your birthday was like a cherry on the cake, hell ya, you even got the girls drinking.

5) Always there for company.

So far i have mentioned all happy nature of yours, but there is always more to you than that, when i need someone to go down for snacks with, there were times i have called you up, and despite not really wanting anything to eat or smoke, you have come down with me just for company. that has happened quite a lot. Be it getting cake for someone's birthday when you were on our floor, getting gifts for kids during our orphanage visits or getting a biryani for our terrace parties, you have always been there for a company, your reliable friendship and availability is something that will be sorely felt upon now that i/ we are devoid of it in Quick Heal.


There will always be more points but rather than making this post lengthy with my own blabbering, i will put up dialogues which others will miss about you .

Sagar :  He says he will miss the famous dialogue of yours "don't expect anything from anyone, just keep hopes"  , he also hates you for advising him to ask "did i get selected?" for some company , he was badly fired upon. Also the time when HR mailed everyone from our floor and only you from 4th.

Vikram:  "mere shooters sab jagah hain" . He hopes to get information from you even if you wont be in QH anymore. But he also thinks you are admin of faking news.

Ketan: "Manual testing ka aage kuch future nahi hain, automation karo"   and also start up waala dialogue, he wishes to be TL in your startup.

Neha: She wants to do that "chipak chipak ke dance " or whatever the hell you meant that time. Also going to miss your "kay maaj ahe" and "aankhon mein toch gaya" dialogue of yours.

Mansi: She is going to miss lunch table waala discussion the most apparently. yeah right even she enjoyed when you took cases of shikha and neha, mansi is evil that way :P :D

Jayant: Jayant has a big list of things he will miss about you , He remembers the time when you joined gym first time, you ate biscuits with hands so wide, you needed so much space, then the time when you went to cricket practice and faced hemant's ball :P   the funniest dialogue is "woh sunke mein beshud ho gaya".

Vaibhav: He also thinks you are admin of faking news, your credibility took  hit man. He adds that your body is full of steroids.

Vishal A: He is going to miss your dance the most and then he laughs as always.

Shalu : She remembers your dialogue. "mein to pet gaya" and "tension leneka nahi deneka"

Pooja: She says in your tone " I like to take revenge" and then she acts devilish with thin eyes.

Ajinkya : Your most famous and widely used dialogue "kya faltugiri hain"  We will have to hear it from ajinkya now. Also, "iska career block"

Rohit: he remembers the eternal dialogue of yours "Bhai, teri toh waat lag gayi"


Just the vast dialogue repository itself shows how big part you have become of everyone here at QH and even though you move on, we wish to cherish these memories for a long time , and also wish to have more and more, like you said "pune mein hi hun...." ;)

And hopefully, like you said, sabke acche din chale idhar and sabke acche din aaye kidar.

Hoping every one follows your advice of "do well" , especially few names you mentioned again :D

I am ending this post here now, but we will definitely be in touch, Definitely adding you on linkedin and surely we will go on to have more trips like Goa.

Best of Luck, you too "Do well" ;)

Be an Actor there, like nawazuddin, don't be a villain or Hero. Finally the life is all about camouflaging wherever you go, excess of anything is bad, including drinking n smoking, so reduce that :P

Take care.

Adios buddy!!

+h3 3nD

Tick tick tick..  

Do you Hear the clock ticking? Slow ticking? my grandfather’s old clock hung over the wall, alive with a slow beating heart beat - Tick tick tick ; While the mechanical gears inside slide over each other making grizzly noise. 

The air is filled with vibrations ; next moment there are echoes of chiming , the first chime voice pierces into my skull. 

Blood; is it blood clotting inside my head? 

Second chime; a step lower but still eerie. 

With the third chime, I could feel an explosion in my head, followed by numbness and darkness.  

All this is happening when my eyes are closed. 

When i open them, i see light, a bright translucent, flickering light emitting from my monitor screen, there is no clock, there is no explosion, there is no ticking sound. 

Human mind is a weirdly constructed conundrum, it makes you believe things which are non existent , it makes you forget what exist, sometimes your own existence. 

I exist, my computer exist. And the constructed code exists. 

Facing the reality is the hardest thing a man can ever do, I am facing it now.

One command, one “enter” key and its all over. Everything ends here, today, tonight. Tomorrow will be a new day; a new beginning, a new start.

Chaos, I am seeing chaos, People running around in their white cloths, screaming, a midst the rallying cries i spot Him; $@M 

He looks into my eyes “Is that all you want? Is that all you were waiting for? Is this the purpose of your life? Is this the only purpose of my existence?” 

Questions; questions i cannot answer; questions i don’t want to answer; questions i don’t know how to answer. 

I stare at him blankly as he keeps blurting out things, trying to make sense of it all. 

Chaos, chaos is just one command away. 

I close my eyes, i feel them gaze away, feel the eye balls rolling. 

When i open them, i see myself drowning, among all the blue bodies, pale blue, they are floating aimlessly, lifeless. 

Am i the only survivor?  There’s K!LL3R. 

I spot him, he is floating too, floating towards me, his eyes are open but they don’t move, his lips are not blue;  they don’t move, i could feel him breathing, his nostrils shrinking, and bubbles forming in the water. 

Oxygen, Air, Na2co3.

We are sitting on a submerged submarine. 

“We are dying” he whispers, “I know” i reply back. 

“Go ahead, kill us all” He winks and takes a leap as if he is jumping into a swimming pool; swimming away farthest. Far and out.

I open my eyes again, I am having a panic attack. Clock is ticking again. My computer monitor is still bright, I can actually see the rays coming out of it , ray of hope perhaps? 

I take the pills and gulp them down through my throat, almost emptying a 500 ml bottle of coke with it. 

Coughing instantly i decide-  not to ever take coke with my pills, but then who am i to decide everything again?  

Chemicals, blue lips , smoke, methyl hydrate , I am starting to see things again. 

I am not going to close my eyes, i shouldn’t close my eyes, i wont close my eyes. 

Tick tick tick. 

Its a time bomb, its an explosion waiting to happen. 

“hello, old friend”  And that voice again. I know that voice. 

“Go away” I shout back, without even turning. 

“Look at me, we are so close.…. don’t fuck this up now” He has a rhetoric voice. 

I look at him, that same old mischievous smile, that same grouchy look on his face, the robustness, the hatred is still persistent throughout his existence, but there is a persuasive side to him which i never noticed before. 

“I am not doing it, people are going to die”  I shrug off his attention and take a step back from my computer chair. 

“It has to happen” there is cruelness in his eyes now, He grabs me by my arms “no turning back now”

I repel, pushing him towards the wall, holding him by his throat, he doesn’t fight back, He looks at me and laughs, i start feeling a wincing pain, i leave him, my eyes roll on top and there, that clock again, ticking.  

Next moment i am down on the floor, suffocated, grasping for breath. 

He laughs “you have to do it, you will do it, you are a password to this whole encryption” 

“Trust me, old friend, you are the key to the whole thing” He speaks further in somewhat assured voice,and walks out. 

whispering something and shutting the door behind him, loudly with a thud.

Soon, i find myself whispering.

Clock is on the wall again, tick tick tick, the timer running, i am running out of time. 

The first chime voice, piercing in my guts, blood clotting again..

Is it happening?  Am i losing it further? 

It cant happen, it wont happen. 

Is this the beginning ?  

Of course it is. 

I remember now, I remember it all, everything. 

This is how it begins, and this is how it ends. 

I find myself walking towards the computer almost mechanically, and typing out the commands like a robot programmed to do so.

Username: root

Password: toor

Gnome: project\world\selfdestruct.py

Execute. 

Tick tick tick.. 

This is the beginning, the beginning of the end.